Random Shizz

So because I was pregnant for 9 mos and then didn't get old Aunt Flo back til December... I don't know but I'm wondering if getting my tubes tied made it a stronger experience? not to be gross -guys sorry - but DAMN! I have to stay on top of things or it's just not good. Then I wondered if it was just because I'm older and had 2 babies so things are heavier? Plus I tend to still FORGET to take care of business down there so that doesn't help. I just forget - after the initial 2 days of cramps and extreme bloat fun - that I have it.

I'm missing my other half big time. I cannot wait til he gets back from his trip. We've chatted with the kids on the video thingie on the macbook pro and that's good. I just miss my rock and back up. Lonely, I guess. Though I was so tired last night that I swear I don't remember my head hitting the pillow and I didn't wake til about 6 or so when Shea did. The first night I had a hard time sleeping. And I have a hard time getting myself off to bed alone.

My mum's surgery is scheduled for 4/28. All the sibs have been communicating more - which doesn't say much but still. The brothers are being more annoying since they are so removed that now when shit is going down they swoop in and question everything. I know my sister has a hardtime with it. She snapped at me this week and then apologized the next day. Which is fine because Saturday I unleashed a bunch of venting about my oldest brother on her and she was fine.

Saturday morning she and my niece Erin are picking me up to go for Erin's prom dress fitting. I had wanted to go for the dress shopping but they ended up going during the week last minute and didn't work out for me. But I'm excited to be part of something girly with them. I told my sister after I found out my second child was a boy that she needed to include me in these rites of passage girly type things because it's all I've got. Well at least until we shop for Rhena's wedding dress.... and the best part is not paying the bill. HA!

So I bought an entire new bedroom linens set. I'm pleased with it. Also curtains and some wall art. Hoping Dan can get those up soon. I don't do the walls stuff because he's anal about holes (ha ha anal about HOLES haha) in the wall and I just don't even want to deal with it.

Damn Shea is having another short nap day. Seems like he either has two solid nice naps or two crappy short ones. Doesn't help the mama get much done. Like blogging does either? HA.

Wants

I think I want one of these. The hubs has made it quite clear that we aren't getting any iPhones in the near future as his office doesn't support them AND they are on AT&T which kinda blows. But I have long been mulling the idea of a phone with more than just "phone" capabilities. And I like to text/email which, as we all know, is a pain in the ass on a regular phone. This evolution of the blackberry now has a camera in it which is also a feature I really like. The sidekicks and other of those variety seem a bit to "young and hip" to me. A bit too Paris Hilton.

Now will the hubs be into me getting one since the phone I have now is less than a year old? Hrm. Not so sure.

Overkill

I count my blessings every day for the good relationship and love of my mother-in-law (The Nonni!). She is an amazingly generous and loving person. She accepted me whole-heartedly into her life and family and loves my children with an intensity I would second only to the love Dan and I have for them.

However.

The Nonni goes completely and utterly overboard with gifts and money. It is not uncommon for her to hear that I'll be doing seasonal clothes shopping for the boys and to hand me an envelope of anywhere from 300-500 bucks in it. See? AMAZINGLY GENEROUS. And CRAZY! On my birthday, mothers day and Christmas I get cards with money. Never less than $100. CRAZY.

She also gets hooked on collecting things. Liam got into Thomas and Friends when he was about 18 mos old. Nonni proceeded to collect over 100 trains from the Take Along series. She gave him tons and kept loads at her house...which have SOMEHOW filtered over here over the past year and a half. Hot Wheels? She has about 3 double decker cases of them at her house. Not including the oversized die cast metal ones she has as well. Eighteen wheelers and obscene monster trucks. CRAZINESS!

Then she was shopping for a toy for Liam right before Seamus was born. He picked out a toy from the Imaginext Jungle Adventures series. Only I don't think Nonni realized it was a series at first. My sister saw that he had it and, when she visited the hopsital after Shea was born, she innocently brought Liam some additional animals that went with the set. My mother-in-law realized it was an expanded set and proceeded to buy almost every other piece to it. The Nonni almost bought the biggest piece but Liam thinks it's a bit too scary.

ANYWAY.

You see my point? Well recently Liam has taken to puzzles. The 25-or-so piece variety. He got one from my sister a month or so ago and did it over and over and over again. So much so that his sitter brought him 2 more that she happened to have left from her brothers child years. Then I got a Buzz Lightyear puzzle for his Easter basket. Sooooo...Easter day comes and as always we go to Nonni's for brunch and fun. The Easter Bunny OF COURSE goes to Nonni's too. And Liam gets.... wait for it.... THREE MORE boxed puzzles and a book that has like 7 puzzles embedded in the pages.

Liam LOVES puzzles but honestly do we need 7 boxed puzzles and a book of puzzles? Doesn't that seem like a lot? And I love it when people come over and comment on how many freaking toys my kids have when we hardly BUY ANY?! Everyone else does! I do buy the odd matchbox car or coloring book, crayons, that sort of thing. But sheer volume of toys.... are from everyone else! I am happy that my children are blessed with these things. But it's almost embarrassing. We have this gorgeous storage center in the playroom... and it's stuffed to the freaking GILLS. I try to weed out toys but then feel guilty. I need to just lose the guilt and donate or pitch some stuff. I do a "crappy toy" sweep every other week or so - weeding out the happy meal prizes, broken toys, and very small pieces from sets that Liam wouldn't miss and Shea could choke on.

Anyway - I started this post to vent about Nonni and her penchant for buying too much and not knowing when to stop. Perhaps I should take some of that advice with this post.

on my mind

I have a lot on my mind and I think a stream of consciousness post is the way I'm going to get it out. If you can't follow along, my apologies. I just need to get some stuff out.

My mom - My mother had an appt with a surgeon today to discuss possible surgery on her shoulder. She has severe rheum. arthritis in her shoulder and cannot sleep for more than 2 hours without waking from pain. Her range of motion for the shoulder is horrible. Watching her put on a coat or shirt is saddening. I was unable to attend the appt with my parents and sister today because Shea had his appt which I had OTHER concerns for and that needed to take precidence, unfortunately. Anyway, it comes down in the appt that her rheum. doc also is referring her for knee REPLACEMENT surgery. Apparently both shoulder and knee are bone against bone at this point. The surgeon would prefer to do the knee first because it will be better for recovery from the shoulder surg. if she has two good legs to support her.

I'm really overwhelmed by all this and feel ill-equipped to care for toddlers and aging parents. I feel guilty for leaving it to my older siblings as well. And resentful of my brother in California who really doesn't have to deal with it at all.

Things will fall into place. I have already started researchingand bookmarking elder services pages. I can't imagine how my dad will cope with taking care of her 24/7 without losing his mind.

Shea's appt was ok. Doc said we should wait til after his one year appt to see if his gross motor skills have improved (head size is the cause of delay) and if not we will have him evaluated then. But his height and weight (22lbs 29") put him in the 75% and his head circ (49cm - same as Liam's was at 15 mos) puts him at 98% which is at least on the chart now. He didn't need any shots - just got a finger prick for iron and lead level testing. He didn't nap well, so by bedtime he was a nightmare. We did discuss c.i.o. during the appt and the doctor said Ferber is the way to go...as long as his basic needs are met and he's not ill we should do it. He said that we had to outlast Shea... especially since he's escalates so much when crying... gets worse and worse. We can't even go in after 5 or 10 mins cause he flips out even more. Tonight he cried after I put in (this is rare -= typically he is a middle of the night crier) and I was alone with both boys. I didn't want to leave Liam alone downstairs longer than necessary so I was sort of forced to let him cry. I did goin and try to rock him again, but he wasn't stopping so I put him back in the crib and probably about 30 mins later he stopped. I'm not sure exactly how long because I was putting Liam to bed and with the humidifier on high (purposefully) in Liam's room, you can't hear a thing in there.

I need to go to bed. Hubs is off tomorrow and I am getting my hair cut and colored. Cannot TELL YOU how bad I need it. GREY ROOTS! Ugly!

I'm Sex Deprived

Kind of a fun meme. Lifted it from Johnny Mac.

Instructions: Open up your iTunes and fill out this survey, no matter how embarrassing the responses might be

How many songs total: 1,110
How many hours or days of music: 2.8 Days
Most recently played: Let's Get Together - The Youngbloods
Most played: Real Gone - Sheryl Crowe (Cars Movie), Born to Be My Baby - Bon Jovi, Footloose - Kenny Loggins (these ar favs of Liam's mostly)
Most recently added: Band of Gold (Almighty Radio Edit) - Kimberly Locke
Sort by song title:
First Song: A.B.C. Gospel - Choo Choo Soul
Last Song: #41 - Dave Matthews Band
Sort by time:
Shortest Song: .05 New Hymn - James Taylor
Longest Song: 11:42 - Donna Summer & Barbra Streisand - No More Tears (Enough is Enough)
Sort by album:
First album: Alan Jackson: Greatest Hits, Vol. 2
Last album: 100% Pure Dance
First song that comes up on Shuffle: S.O.S. - ABBA
Search the following and state how many songs come up:
Death - 1
Life - 18
Love - 66
Hate - 1
You - 132
Sex - 2

Sleep

I'm about to get me some of that there sleep stuff everyone raves so much about. Last night was BAD with Shea. We changed up some stuff with his bed...hoping that maybe part of it. He's about erady to gnaw his arm off from the top teeth. Wish those fuckers would just come IN already. Sing a little Doors action..."break on through, break on through, break on through to the other side..."

Today was actually a very pleasant trip to my inlaws despite that Liam cried 3-4x about um...NOTHING. Oh he couldn't have a second yogurt, he couldn't play with something of Grampy's because Grampy wasn't there to tell us it was ok, his cousin wanted HER DOLL BACK, and oh and because he's 3 and his current lot in life is to make his parents very tired.

Hey Liam! Your brother HAS THAT COVERED, ok? so just knock it OFF.

Anyway, my brother-in-law and his daughter were there but it was still fine. Kendal played with Liam a little and only tried to smack Shea once. She was very sweet to him the rest of the time.

My mother-in-law didn't let Shea push her around. After we were there a few minutes she took him and listened to him cry for about 20-25 mins and I ran away to the kitchen. He's so much worse when I'm right there. He just keeps looking at me like "TAKE ME BACK NOW or I will cry and stick this lower lip out so far it will slap you in the forehead."

She finally found some toys he was interested in (her house is like friggin Toys R Us right now) and after he calmed down, I went back in. Shea was pretty much fine the rest of the visit. He didn't want to nap on their bed (Kendal was in the crib) so she put him in Kendal's stroller and Dan wheeled him around the house 2-3x and he was out. We parked him in the kitchen and he slept about 45 mins or so - enough to take the edge off.

So that gives me hope that someday we will be able to visit family without me feeling completely stressed out. And I feel a teensy bit better about being gone overnight Friday while my mother-in-law stays here with the boys. I feel incredible guilty that she may be up half the night with Shea but as Dan put it, "She gets to go home and sleep through the night. She'll be fine. Shea will be fine." So I will have to deal with the guilt while I have a cocktail, eat a big meal, drink wine and sleep through the entire goddamn night!

WHOOOOHOOOO!

Another new thing

I forgot to mention in my other post that I bought and tried Aveeno Positively Radiant Daily Moisturizer w/ SPF 15. LOVE IT. LOVE. LOVE. I heard about it from Cathy's post about wrinkles, zits and peach fuzz. I bought it on impulse at Wal-Mart and have been enjoying it ever since.

Something New

I was thinking of making a category for New Stuff that I or we try. And whether it's a hit or miss.

Trail Mix. I have documented in my header that I am in love with a certain trail mix that my dealer, I mean FRIEND, Carrie got me into. Seriously, it was like she was lonely in her own addiction so she got me hooked too. Well it costs a couple of dollars per 5.5oz bag AND like a zillion calories per bag AND I can eat a whole bag easy. Which doesn't help my muffin-top any. So I bought some stuff and made my own mix. I mixed together a store-made raisin & nut mix with craisins and yogurt covered raisins. I omitted the granola because while SO YUMMY it is where most of the fat is. So this'll do in between splurges on the real thing.

Yogurt Raisins. Because he's always trying to dip into whatever I'm eating, Liam has discovered he likes Trail Mix too. He seems to like the yogurt-covered raisins the best. So there you go - a new snack for Liam.

Turkey Meatballs. We are trying to eat a bit better. So I was at the grocery store and decided I was going to make some turkey meatballs to go with some pasta for dinner. Right next to the ground turkey meat was Perrdue's Turkey Meatballs. Feeling a little TIRED from Shea's more recent sleep habits or LACKTHEREOF, I decided to opt for the easy way out and bought the meatballs. They were really pretty good for a store-bought meatball! I mean they are small and maybe a bit more spongey than a homemade meatball... but the flavor was quite good. So good to have the next time I'm feeling lazy. Liam loved them.

Apple TV. Dan just got this and we haven't hooked it up yet but apparently we can put our DVDs on it so we won't have to shuffle through Cars Movie, Thomas & Friends, Mickey's Christmas and whatever else to get a movie on. You can also rent movies through iTunes on your tv and watch YouTube. I'm not really sure what else it can do but I'll keep you posted.

Not Yet a Big Boy

Something about this picture just makes me want to cry. His legs are getting skinny and long... under the pants the babyfat indents are almost completely gone. Thank God in front of him he is holding and loving on a stuffed puppy. He's still a little guy to me. Even as today he asked me, "Mama? What does it mean to be a big boy?"

Tummy Trouble

I really want to stop going to our playgroup. It's not so much that I don't like the moms. Or the kids. It's that right now it consists of two other mothers who, between them, have SIX children and another on the way. Two sets of twins. It's a lot overwhelming.

I just want OUT. But I hate to cancel on them as a number of other women have already. I also feel badly because I feel like I need to get Shea around some babies or something... because maybe that would help his developmental motivation. Cause right now Shea is opting out of rolling, laying on his stomach and any type of crawl - army or hands and knees.

I am worried as he still seems to fall over a bunch when sitting. It's the head size making it hard for him to find balance. Especially when he starts getting tired. Oh and when he bakes a stinkloaf in his diaper, he hates sitting on it so he throws himself back. So there are still pillows around him when he sits.

I am assuming if he isn't doing better with the tummy time by his 9 month appt we may end up with EI or something coming to investigate. I don't pick him up as soon as he starts complaining on his tummy. I even let him cry a bit. Then when it gets to the crying-face-down-no-recovery I pick him up. Usually by then he's so pissed off he has to be walked and calmed down. So if the EI frickers come in here and say I need to let him be frustrated I may lose my shit on them.

Tummy time usually starts out ok. I'm encouraging, I try to engage him with fun things like new toys, forbidden objects like the remote, silly things like bubbles or Liam's faces. Shea can push up and straighten his elbows. Soon he tires because of his head weight and he goes down. He pushes up like this a few more times and then stops trying. He does move his body left or right about 45 degrees. If I put my hands behind his feet, he will push on them a few times. But after about 10 minutes or 15-20 on a good session - he is done. He whines a little. Sometimes he just puts his head down and to the side and plays with the blanket or chews on a toys he's successfully grabbed. But it's not long before he's hating life and I have to get him up.

I know every child progresses at their own rate. And I know that his body is trying to support his head and gain strength but I just feel like I'm failing him somehow. I do not carry him around all day long. I sit him down and walk in and out of the room as I need to. I want him to know that I have legs that move me around. We all crawl around the floor at his level so he can see. I have tried to teach him how to move his arms to roll easier.

No use.

I'm glad he's healthy and seems to be happy for the most part. I just have this feeling in my stomach that a mother gets when her child seems to have something a bit wrong and she can't just make it right.

Broiled Tilapia Parmesan

Last night I made this tilapia recipe. It has a very strong parmesan tangy flavor...next time I'd probably spread less of the cheese mixture on the fish. I also only got 1lb of tilapia which was plenty for the 3 of us. Both Dan and Liam liked it.

Broiled Tilapia Parmesan

INGREDIENTS
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup butter, softened (I used 1/8 cup)
3 tablespoons mayonnaise (I used 2tbsp of light mayo)
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon dried basil
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/8 teaspoon onion powder
1/8 teaspoon celery salt
2 pounds tilapia fillets (I made 1lb of tilapia)

DIRECTIONS
Preheat your oven's broiler. Grease a broiling pan or line pan with aluminum foil.
In a small bowl, mix together the Parmesan cheese, butter, mayonnaise and lemon juice. Season with dried basil, pepper, onion powder and celery salt. Mix well and set aside.

Arrange fillets in a single layer on the prepared pan. Broil a few inches from the heat for 2 to 3 minutes. Flip the fillets over and broil for a couple more minutes.

Remove the fillets from the oven and cover them with the Parmesan cheese mixture on the top side. Broil for 2 more minutes or until the topping is browned and fish flakes easily with a fork. Be careful not to over cook the fish.

Testing

I've been trying to embed this video in Wordpress on the boys blog but cannot seem to make it work. Let's try here...



Shea Meets Biter Biscuit from Sue O'Neill on Vimeo.

New Boys Blog

This is probably getting REALLY OLD to everyone but I am switching out the old Raising Liam blog with a new Raising the Boys blog. I'm going to "tell the world" according to THAT blog tomorrow but thought I'd let anyone who reads here take a peek early. MY husband will occaisionally post on that blog as well. But he's been working late every freaking night this week and only just LOOKED at it last night. Oh and he bought the domain name raisingtheboys.com as well so hoping to point the blog to that domain tonight. No posts from him yet.

That is all peeps! Be sassy!

Sparkle

I have been floating around in this weird feeling over the course of the past two weeks. It has sort of surprised me and I've been trying to put a finger on it but over the weekend I realized what was going on.

I'm happy.

There is that song that goes "I can see clearly now the rain is gone" Well yeah. I FEEL that. And I think I didn't realize how cloudy and mucked up my head was until it was raked out. I don't want to go on and on about the miracle of drugs but SHIT. I was more of a headcase than I even realized.

It was as if instead of wearing rose-colored glasses... I was wearing shit-brown ones. And everything was heavy and weighed me down.

I guess it was weighing me down a lot more than I could self-diagnose. And I think my meds in conjunction with my resolution to focus on me and my growth/well-being/health have put me back into the land of the living. Not just breathing...but exhaling instead of holding my breath.

And I recognized this feeling... this happiness... when I came to the realization that if it all ended tomorrow (not to be morbid) then I have already lived my happily ever after. I love my husband beyond words and feel truly loved by him. I have two beautiful GOOD boys who are symbols of that love and make my days truly meaningful... evening if the meaning is frustration or exhaustion. I have come to peace with my family, especially my relationship with my brother. While there are always friendships I'd like to strengthen and self-improvement to accomplish... I am happy with my life. I am not wishing I were somewhere else, with someone else, doing something else, BEING someone else.

I am doing exactly what I have always wanted to do. And I'm starting to REALIZE it. I guess this is what they call "living in the now."

I don't think I'm the best I can be but that's ok too. It gives me somewhere to go.

So it's grey and cloudy, more snow is on the way, the boys both have runny noses. But let the sun shine in. Let it shine.

Rugquest 2008

So for a while now I have been trying to find a replacement for the shedding beast of a rug we have in the living room. So I saw this rug online at Tar-zhay. It looked cute. And beige.

Needless to say it arrived and is very GREY. Doesn't really go with my chocolate brown couches. I still think it's a cute rug and we may keep it if only because Tarrget will not accept rug returns at the store.... for some stupid reason and we would have to ship it BACK to them in Ohio. It has helped me decide I do want a lighter colored rug in that room. It's easier to see toys on the floor (and not step on them!) than it was with our red-based oriental wool rug. That sheds. Like a bitch.

The dogs might end up getting this in the mud room. It won't show their tan dog hair so much.

The Rugquest GOES ON.

Nose

But of COURSE Liam was up several times last night needing his nose blown and crying for only THAT reason. And of course he was coughing and refused to take Delsym. And you KNOW that when I got Shea this morning, his nose sounded a bit rattley and he keeps sneezing.

If things are on schedule one of them should be pulling their ear tonight when my hubs is at his after-work function and I am dead on my feet.

Poor little things. Liam is so pathetic and EXTRA EXTRA whiney. He must feel like crap. I can always get him to laugh though, when I help him blow his nose and say "JUICY!" when he fills the tissue. HA!

Shea is still in decent spirits - well maybe a little quick to temper today. *sigh* . I had hoped to get them out of the house to the mall today. Liam's most favorite place on earth. And return 2 things as well as get them some "out" time and Liam working those little legs at the mall. But I'm not going to bringing him and blow his nose the whole time. Looks like another day with movies and tv.

I am feeling something going on in my own head and it's not the voices, Sybil, it's the beginnings of whatever they have so I need to get started on the Zicam and Airborne. My brother should be suitable boged out tomorrow with the runny nosed kids (he has none by choice) but he'll get a real-life snapshot of my work life now, won't he?

Also Shea does this thing and I'm guessing it's a normal thing...I've heard of head banging being normal so this HAS to be normal... he flaps his arms a lot when he's sitting down. And then when he's laying down...especially during little night wakings...he slams both feet against the mattress. So when he has a slight waking I can hear thwap.....thwap.....thwap. Liam still makes this weird nasally sound when he's rubbing his blanket at bedtime. I hope he quits it by the time we decide to have them room together - another year or so - because he does it pretty loud.

Ok that's all I got - runny noses and weird child-soothing habits. Whatchoogat?

Crap

Baby was trying to pull up from my lap to the activity table and fell sideways and WHACKED the side of his face on the bottom of the exersaucer. Totally bruising. Fantastic for pictures with my brother. Not that Shea will let him anywhere near him ANYWAY.

*sigh*

Visit

My brother is visiting from California this weekend. He arrives Thursday on the red eye and he will be at my house a bit after 9am. This would all seem quite lovely and normal if it hadn't been 3 years since we last saw him (the week after my Big Monkey was born) and we hadn't gone almost that long not speaking.

The not speaking stuff is water under the bridge now thank God. And I guess I can believe that part of the reason he is visiting is because we have made amends and he is eager to connect with my kids. It's just hard because I am trying to forgive him for not visiting our mother (who lives about 40 mins from me) during that same 3 years. I try to reconcile it but have a very difficult time. My mom has changed so much and her memory is getting worse and worse. She just isn't the same as she used to be and he seems to have blinders on to that fact. I think my mother has aged significantly in the past 3 years. She's now 77 and she has pretty bad rheumatoid (sp?) arthritis. It really wears her down. But her mind isn't the same anymore and that is the part me and my sister and trying to come to terms with. She's so so SO forgetful. My dad has a hard time dealing with it in addition to his own aging and gets grumpy with her instead.

Anyway this post is supposed to be about my brother and not my mom. I'm nervous. I want to get the house in shape but GODDAMNIT I can NOT seem to rid myself of the dog hair. 2 pugs = MORE DOG HAIR THAN A PACK OF WOLVES, Seriously. And I didn't realize this at my old house because it was mostly carpeted on the main floor... but the dog hair blows across the hardwoods like friggin TUMBLEWEEDS and comes to rest on the area rug in the living room. I could vacuum the thing every day and still have a load of dog hair on it come nighttime.

ATTRACTIVE!

And suddenly Liam is starting to have little pee accidents. He has recently started peeing standing up and I think he doesn't point at the potty right away and it goes down in his undies first instead - not every time but at least once a day. He has had an accident of some sort every day for the past week. Frustrating since he hasn't had any sorts of accidents in MONTHS.

Anyway I'm sort of jigged up and jacked up on my brother coming and nervous and excited for my kids and all that. My brother and I were extremely close growing up... things didn't change til he moved and we had several disagreements and misunderstandings.

I gotta get moving. I'm hosting him for lunch Thursday as well as Friday with the rest of my family. I think for Thursday I'll do grilled chicken salads and Friday will be a big tray of baked ziti with garden salad and garlic bread. So this means a trip to the grocery store with both children. Not my idea of fun. GIVE ME STRENGTH!

Bulk

There is something about buying in bulk.. like some things like toilet paper and baby formula... YES! I hate buying those every week at the grocery store. But as I was contemplating buying a huge jug of extra virgin olive oil I was like... What the hell am I doing? Where am I going to keep all this olive oil?!

You know what I'm saying?

OVERACHIEVING

Ugh I was feeling really good about getting Liam to sit down and decorate his Cars movie themed valentines for school. They were cute and each one came with a Cars movie pencil. Then he made some with foam stickers and hearts for his teachers. So we weren't down to the wire getting them done with me saying "ok next! ok next!" he took his time with his stampers and stickers and had fun with it.

Then as I left the school from dropping him off I see a girl walking in with her mom holding a box very carefully. I could clearly see glitter and pipe cleaners and gorgeous - EXQUISITE EVEN -homemade valentines.

And all I could think was "SHIT SHIT SHIT! Why didn't I think of that?"