Muffins

So there is one last thing on my resolution list. To lose some weight and firm some things up. Mainly to make my ass a wee bit smaller and to marginalize the muffin-top pants effect I have going on. I'm am not huge and I think I'm lucky in one regard - I carry weight in a way that people think I'm smaller than I am. I know that sounds crazy - because you are thinking... well if she is smaller to everyone else then she must have that there body dysmorphia thingamagig.

No it's true. I can tell people always think I'm a size smaller or more than I actually am. I have never since high school been smaller than a size 8. I think because I have a short torso it might even be physically impossible without being slightly underweight. Because even when I was in the target weight range for my height (5' 2") before I had Liam, I still was in a size 8. Also, it is probably becuase I have so much junk in the trunk.

Anyway - Right now I'm a size 12. And I'm not that worked up about it but it doesn't thrill me either. Mostly because all my clothes from before I had babies are size 8-10. And I miss them. Dearly. And I hate buying clothes in bigger sizes - thus the Kohl's Sonoma jeans in size 12. $14.99 - a lot different than my nice GAP jeans and Ann Taylor tailored pants. Damn if I got back to that size it would be like a whole new wardrobe.

After Liam, I could squeeze into 10s but not for all my pants. And once I started trying to conceive Seamus, it ballooned me up to 12 easily between the stress eating ("I'm not pregnant so I deserve to eat this!") and the fertility drugs.

So I started losing weight in September-October and then Shea started the whole milk sensitivity thing so I had to avoid dairy and that made me eat things like bacon sandwiches. Because everything is better with bacon. Then Shea got the bronchitis and I was stress eating again... then the holidays and I was just eating EVERYTHING. Then more Shea drama and really I blame the muffins on him.

No I don't. I know it's my stress thing. So I am resolved to start the new year by curbing the snacking. Then I'll tackle things like portion control and calorie intake. I have done Weight Watchers twice... once with meetings and once online. I know the concept and can roughly figure out points based on calories fat and fiber content. My plan is to try losing weight on my own and if I get stuck or can't do it I'll re-join Weight Watchers. They actually have a meeting facility around the corner.

And maybe Shea will get moving sooner than later to get me off my ass more. That and my pilates DVDs that are mocking me from a box in my closet.