I have a lot on my mind and I think a stream of consciousness post is the way I'm going to get it out. If you can't follow along, my apologies. I just need to get some stuff out.
My mom - My mother had an appt with a surgeon today to discuss possible surgery on her shoulder. She has severe rheum. arthritis in her shoulder and cannot sleep for more than 2 hours without waking from pain. Her range of motion for the shoulder is horrible. Watching her put on a coat or shirt is saddening. I was unable to attend the appt with my parents and sister today because Shea had his appt which I had OTHER concerns for and that needed to take precidence, unfortunately. Anyway, it comes down in the appt that her rheum. doc also is referring her for knee REPLACEMENT surgery. Apparently both shoulder and knee are bone against bone at this point. The surgeon would prefer to do the knee first because it will be better for recovery from the shoulder surg. if she has two good legs to support her.
I'm really overwhelmed by all this and feel ill-equipped to care for toddlers and aging parents. I feel guilty for leaving it to my older siblings as well. And resentful of my brother in California who really doesn't have to deal with it at all.
Things will fall into place. I have already started researchingand bookmarking elder services pages. I can't imagine how my dad will cope with taking care of her 24/7 without losing his mind.
Shea's appt was ok. Doc said we should wait til after his one year appt to see if his gross motor skills have improved (head size is the cause of delay) and if not we will have him evaluated then. But his height and weight (22lbs 29") put him in the 75% and his head circ (49cm - same as Liam's was at 15 mos) puts him at 98% which is at least on the chart now. He didn't need any shots - just got a finger prick for iron and lead level testing. He didn't nap well, so by bedtime he was a nightmare. We did discuss c.i.o. during the appt and the doctor said Ferber is the way to go...as long as his basic needs are met and he's not ill we should do it. He said that we had to outlast Shea... especially since he's escalates so much when crying... gets worse and worse. We can't even go in after 5 or 10 mins cause he flips out even more. Tonight he cried after I put in (this is rare -= typically he is a middle of the night crier) and I was alone with both boys. I didn't want to leave Liam alone downstairs longer than necessary so I was sort of forced to let him cry. I did goin and try to rock him again, but he wasn't stopping so I put him back in the crib and probably about 30 mins later he stopped. I'm not sure exactly how long because I was putting Liam to bed and with the humidifier on high (purposefully) in Liam's room, you can't hear a thing in there.
I need to go to bed. Hubs is off tomorrow and I am getting my hair cut and colored. Cannot TELL YOU how bad I need it. GREY ROOTS! Ugly!
Showing posts with label Little Monkey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Little Monkey. Show all posts
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Tummy Trouble
I really want to stop going to our playgroup. It's not so much that I don't like the moms. Or the kids. It's that right now it consists of two other mothers who, between them, have SIX children and another on the way. Two sets of twins. It's a lot overwhelming.
I just want OUT. But I hate to cancel on them as a number of other women have already. I also feel badly because I feel like I need to get Shea around some babies or something... because maybe that would help his developmental motivation. Cause right now Shea is opting out of rolling, laying on his stomach and any type of crawl - army or hands and knees.
I am worried as he still seems to fall over a bunch when sitting. It's the head size making it hard for him to find balance. Especially when he starts getting tired. Oh and when he bakes a stinkloaf in his diaper, he hates sitting on it so he throws himself back. So there are still pillows around him when he sits.
I am assuming if he isn't doing better with the tummy time by his 9 month appt we may end up with EI or something coming to investigate. I don't pick him up as soon as he starts complaining on his tummy. I even let him cry a bit. Then when it gets to the crying-face-down-no-recovery I pick him up. Usually by then he's so pissed off he has to be walked and calmed down. So if the EI frickers come in here and say I need to let him be frustrated I may lose my shit on them.
Tummy time usually starts out ok. I'm encouraging, I try to engage him with fun things like new toys, forbidden objects like the remote, silly things like bubbles or Liam's faces. Shea can push up and straighten his elbows. Soon he tires because of his head weight and he goes down. He pushes up like this a few more times and then stops trying. He does move his body left or right about 45 degrees. If I put my hands behind his feet, he will push on them a few times. But after about 10 minutes or 15-20 on a good session - he is done. He whines a little. Sometimes he just puts his head down and to the side and plays with the blanket or chews on a toys he's successfully grabbed. But it's not long before he's hating life and I have to get him up.
I know every child progresses at their own rate. And I know that his body is trying to support his head and gain strength but I just feel like I'm failing him somehow. I do not carry him around all day long. I sit him down and walk in and out of the room as I need to. I want him to know that I have legs that move me around. We all crawl around the floor at his level so he can see. I have tried to teach him how to move his arms to roll easier.
No use.
I'm glad he's healthy and seems to be happy for the most part. I just have this feeling in my stomach that a mother gets when her child seems to have something a bit wrong and she can't just make it right.
I just want OUT. But I hate to cancel on them as a number of other women have already. I also feel badly because I feel like I need to get Shea around some babies or something... because maybe that would help his developmental motivation. Cause right now Shea is opting out of rolling, laying on his stomach and any type of crawl - army or hands and knees.
I am worried as he still seems to fall over a bunch when sitting. It's the head size making it hard for him to find balance. Especially when he starts getting tired. Oh and when he bakes a stinkloaf in his diaper, he hates sitting on it so he throws himself back. So there are still pillows around him when he sits.
I am assuming if he isn't doing better with the tummy time by his 9 month appt we may end up with EI or something coming to investigate. I don't pick him up as soon as he starts complaining on his tummy. I even let him cry a bit. Then when it gets to the crying-face-down-no-recovery I pick him up. Usually by then he's so pissed off he has to be walked and calmed down. So if the EI frickers come in here and say I need to let him be frustrated I may lose my shit on them.
Tummy time usually starts out ok. I'm encouraging, I try to engage him with fun things like new toys, forbidden objects like the remote, silly things like bubbles or Liam's faces. Shea can push up and straighten his elbows. Soon he tires because of his head weight and he goes down. He pushes up like this a few more times and then stops trying. He does move his body left or right about 45 degrees. If I put my hands behind his feet, he will push on them a few times. But after about 10 minutes or 15-20 on a good session - he is done. He whines a little. Sometimes he just puts his head down and to the side and plays with the blanket or chews on a toys he's successfully grabbed. But it's not long before he's hating life and I have to get him up.
I know every child progresses at their own rate. And I know that his body is trying to support his head and gain strength but I just feel like I'm failing him somehow. I do not carry him around all day long. I sit him down and walk in and out of the room as I need to. I want him to know that I have legs that move me around. We all crawl around the floor at his level so he can see. I have tried to teach him how to move his arms to roll easier.
No use.
I'm glad he's healthy and seems to be happy for the most part. I just have this feeling in my stomach that a mother gets when her child seems to have something a bit wrong and she can't just make it right.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Nose
But of COURSE Liam was up several times last night needing his nose blown and crying for only THAT reason. And of course he was coughing and refused to take Delsym. And you KNOW that when I got Shea this morning, his nose sounded a bit rattley and he keeps sneezing.
If things are on schedule one of them should be pulling their ear tonight when my hubs is at his after-work function and I am dead on my feet.
Poor little things. Liam is so pathetic and EXTRA EXTRA whiney. He must feel like crap. I can always get him to laugh though, when I help him blow his nose and say "JUICY!" when he fills the tissue. HA!
Shea is still in decent spirits - well maybe a little quick to temper today. *sigh* . I had hoped to get them out of the house to the mall today. Liam's most favorite place on earth. And return 2 things as well as get them some "out" time and Liam working those little legs at the mall. But I'm not going to bringing him and blow his nose the whole time. Looks like another day with movies and tv.
I am feeling something going on in my own head and it's not the voices, Sybil, it's the beginnings of whatever they have so I need to get started on the Zicam and Airborne. My brother should be suitable boged out tomorrow with the runny nosed kids (he has none by choice) but he'll get a real-life snapshot of my work life now, won't he?
Also Shea does this thing and I'm guessing it's a normal thing...I've heard of head banging being normal so this HAS to be normal... he flaps his arms a lot when he's sitting down. And then when he's laying down...especially during little night wakings...he slams both feet against the mattress. So when he has a slight waking I can hear thwap.....thwap.....thwap. Liam still makes this weird nasally sound when he's rubbing his blanket at bedtime. I hope he quits it by the time we decide to have them room together - another year or so - because he does it pretty loud.
Ok that's all I got - runny noses and weird child-soothing habits. Whatchoogat?
If things are on schedule one of them should be pulling their ear tonight when my hubs is at his after-work function and I am dead on my feet.
Poor little things. Liam is so pathetic and EXTRA EXTRA whiney. He must feel like crap. I can always get him to laugh though, when I help him blow his nose and say "JUICY!" when he fills the tissue. HA!
Shea is still in decent spirits - well maybe a little quick to temper today. *sigh* . I had hoped to get them out of the house to the mall today. Liam's most favorite place on earth. And return 2 things as well as get them some "out" time and Liam working those little legs at the mall. But I'm not going to bringing him and blow his nose the whole time. Looks like another day with movies and tv.
I am feeling something going on in my own head and it's not the voices, Sybil, it's the beginnings of whatever they have so I need to get started on the Zicam and Airborne. My brother should be suitable boged out tomorrow with the runny nosed kids (he has none by choice) but he'll get a real-life snapshot of my work life now, won't he?
Also Shea does this thing and I'm guessing it's a normal thing...I've heard of head banging being normal so this HAS to be normal... he flaps his arms a lot when he's sitting down. And then when he's laying down...especially during little night wakings...he slams both feet against the mattress. So when he has a slight waking I can hear thwap.....thwap.....thwap. Liam still makes this weird nasally sound when he's rubbing his blanket at bedtime. I hope he quits it by the time we decide to have them room together - another year or so - because he does it pretty loud.
Ok that's all I got - runny noses and weird child-soothing habits. Whatchoogat?
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Crap
Baby was trying to pull up from my lap to the activity table and fell sideways and WHACKED the side of his face on the bottom of the exersaucer. Totally bruising. Fantastic for pictures with my brother. Not that Shea will let him anywhere near him ANYWAY.
*sigh*
*sigh*
Friday, January 25, 2008
Aw crap
I'm an idiot. I was just about to start writing this post... some sort of deep and meaningful soul searching bullshit and I realized the time. YEAH. What the hell am I thinking? It's PAST 11 pm and my second born is SURE to start whimpering/crying for his pacifier soon. Which makes for a long friggin night and this time - the block from about 10pm - 2am is usually when I get my solid sleep in. I've read that getting 4 hours of consecutive sleep can keep someone from truly losing their mind. I believe I can attest to this on the day after a particularly bad night.
Shea has been better.. I'm trying to get him to do the 2 - 3 (or 2) - 4 schedule. Translation: wakes up in the morning then 2 hours later a nap - wakes from nap then 2-3 hours later another nap - and then after that nap - bedtime 4 hours later. That has helped because he's so damn tired by 6:30-7pm that he passes out cold, pacifier be damned... at least til about 4:30-5am. Which is AMAZING when you go from waking every 1-2 hours. The poor things teeth aren't helping though. I gave him some motrin or Tylenol before bed the past few nights. There is one that has cut through and I can feel the second one still under the gum. Both are the bottom front teeth. He hasn't been the most fun lately but he's still a good boy. When I go in to get him from his naps he is SO HAPPY to see me and I always pick him up and just hold him and hug him for a few beats before changing him. After me being a head case his first 5 months of life I am trying SO HARD to make sure he really feels safe and loved.
Now that I say that it probably sounds like he wasn't safe. He was. But I can say I had to put him down and walk away more than once to clear my head and pull my shit together. And I can say that I was impatient with him or Liam or NOTHING a lot and I know he picked up on that. Not the lovefest he deserves. But I am trying to make up for it. I still give him plenty of time to work on things himself...sitting, gross motor skills, etc, but any time I hold him I try to just POUR into him how much I love and adore him. That he is so loved and so badly wanted.
Liam loves Shea already so much. When he isn't with him, Liam misses Shea and he is always asking where Seamus is. The first thing he does when he comes downstairs after a nap (that is...if he woke up happy) is give Shea a hug and kiss. And when I pick him up from preschool he gets in the van and leans over, "Is Shea awake, Mama?"
Well I guess I am rambling and waxing poetic anyway... it's almost 11:30 I am so going to regret this in the morning. Dan is playing Madden on the PS3... he finally got it for himself. It looks crazy on the tv - like a real football game. In fact, in the game he is playing now - it is snowing. And he's always the Patriots. ALWAYS.
Ok I'm gonna get to going. Need to pop the happy pill and get to bed. Maybe Shea will whine once he hears me moving around up there and I can get the first re-pacification out of the way. Dan gets up with Shea a lot - I think because the happy pills make me drowsy so I don't always stir when Shea wakes. Seems like Dan is getting up more now that I'm on the pills.
Like I SAID.... GET TO GOING!
Shea has been better.. I'm trying to get him to do the 2 - 3 (or 2) - 4 schedule. Translation: wakes up in the morning then 2 hours later a nap - wakes from nap then 2-3 hours later another nap - and then after that nap - bedtime 4 hours later. That has helped because he's so damn tired by 6:30-7pm that he passes out cold, pacifier be damned... at least til about 4:30-5am. Which is AMAZING when you go from waking every 1-2 hours. The poor things teeth aren't helping though. I gave him some motrin or Tylenol before bed the past few nights. There is one that has cut through and I can feel the second one still under the gum. Both are the bottom front teeth. He hasn't been the most fun lately but he's still a good boy. When I go in to get him from his naps he is SO HAPPY to see me and I always pick him up and just hold him and hug him for a few beats before changing him. After me being a head case his first 5 months of life I am trying SO HARD to make sure he really feels safe and loved.
Now that I say that it probably sounds like he wasn't safe. He was. But I can say I had to put him down and walk away more than once to clear my head and pull my shit together. And I can say that I was impatient with him or Liam or NOTHING a lot and I know he picked up on that. Not the lovefest he deserves. But I am trying to make up for it. I still give him plenty of time to work on things himself...sitting, gross motor skills, etc, but any time I hold him I try to just POUR into him how much I love and adore him. That he is so loved and so badly wanted.
Liam loves Shea already so much. When he isn't with him, Liam misses Shea and he is always asking where Seamus is. The first thing he does when he comes downstairs after a nap (that is...if he woke up happy) is give Shea a hug and kiss. And when I pick him up from preschool he gets in the van and leans over, "Is Shea awake, Mama?"
Well I guess I am rambling and waxing poetic anyway... it's almost 11:30 I am so going to regret this in the morning. Dan is playing Madden on the PS3... he finally got it for himself. It looks crazy on the tv - like a real football game. In fact, in the game he is playing now - it is snowing. And he's always the Patriots. ALWAYS.
Ok I'm gonna get to going. Need to pop the happy pill and get to bed. Maybe Shea will whine once he hears me moving around up there and I can get the first re-pacification out of the way. Dan gets up with Shea a lot - I think because the happy pills make me drowsy so I don't always stir when Shea wakes. Seems like Dan is getting up more now that I'm on the pills.
Like I SAID.... GET TO GOING!
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Just a Fat Head
That's all! yippie! Just a huge melon! A turnip head! A bowling ball with legs!
It was actually - aside from Shea crying because a strange person was looking at him and putting a transmitter wand against his head - an ok experience. The woman who performed the ultrasound was the same technician who gave me the last ultrasound before Seamus was born. So it was like she had already met him. She put me at ease right away saying "All this because his head's a little big? C'mahhhn leave the poor kid alone!"
After it was done she took it for her supervisor to look at to make sure they agreed with what she came up with and she came in and said "His head is perfect."
Thank you God - I swear he is going to be baptised soon - 2 weeks in fact - please knock the faith-shaking off. And thank you for making sundaes. Friendly's makes everything ok.
It was actually - aside from Shea crying because a strange person was looking at him and putting a transmitter wand against his head - an ok experience. The woman who performed the ultrasound was the same technician who gave me the last ultrasound before Seamus was born. So it was like she had already met him. She put me at ease right away saying "All this because his head's a little big? C'mahhhn leave the poor kid alone!"
After it was done she took it for her supervisor to look at to make sure they agreed with what she came up with and she came in and said "His head is perfect."
Thank you God - I swear he is going to be baptised soon - 2 weeks in fact - please knock the faith-shaking off. And thank you for making sundaes. Friendly's makes everything ok.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
New Year, New Blog
So after some hemming and mostly hawwing...as in hawwwrrrdy haw haw - oh yes I know it's HAR HAR just work with me... I decided to just jump ship and landed here.
I liked the look for the newer blogger features and hopefully I can stay at peace with them and not get all uppity deciding I need more customization because honestly...? Do any of my 5 readers really give a crap if I have a fancy fance blog? No. Anyway here I am NAKED for ALL to see.
Well no - this isn't THAT sort of blog either. And truth be told you all can't handle ALL of this. Besides, I'm sure you like your eyesight just as it is.
I'm still tweaking here and there. But I'm thinking minimalist. Words. Posts. Pictures. And lots of ranting and sarcasm. Susie it up - Fake it til you make it. I'm making all of this up as I go. I don't know the answers - but I will act like I do to win friends and influence people. Also to stay a step ahead of my children. Soon enough the boys are going to catch on and start the eye-rolling-Mom's-crazy-glazed-look thing and I'll go back to talking to my dogs. Until then I hope to capture my prominent and trivial life moments here. Or cool shit I come across online.
I have a slightly new attitude toward this blog. It's still probably considered mommy-centric but what the hell - that's what I do. The Mommy thing. All blessed day long. In fact the mommy thing is making me a bit more ANXIOUS these days than anything which is why I am seeing my PCP tomorrow to discuss said anxiety. We'll talk about THAT another time. Like after the appointment at least.
Tomorrow the hubs and I are taking the Little Monkey to an appointment to get his head examined. Literally. At his 6 month appointment last Thursday the doctor expressed minimal - but notable - concern about the growth rate for Little Monkey's head size. My dad and some of his family have large heads. My head seems kind of big to me. But I guess they want to check thing out to make sure that the size for LM's head is normal for him and there isn't anything brewing in there. I probably sound really casual about this but it's denial.
See - faking it... completely. I am denying this til I am told something is definitely wrong. The doctor emphasized that it was almost always nothing but he wanted to be sure.
Please God.
So let's hang in there together and see where this new adventure takes us. and thanks for traveling with me.
I liked the look for the newer blogger features and hopefully I can stay at peace with them and not get all uppity deciding I need more customization because honestly...? Do any of my 5 readers really give a crap if I have a fancy fance blog? No. Anyway here I am NAKED for ALL to see.
Well no - this isn't THAT sort of blog either. And truth be told you all can't handle ALL of this. Besides, I'm sure you like your eyesight just as it is.
I'm still tweaking here and there. But I'm thinking minimalist. Words. Posts. Pictures. And lots of ranting and sarcasm. Susie it up - Fake it til you make it. I'm making all of this up as I go. I don't know the answers - but I will act like I do to win friends and influence people. Also to stay a step ahead of my children. Soon enough the boys are going to catch on and start the eye-rolling-Mom's-crazy-glazed-look thing and I'll go back to talking to my dogs. Until then I hope to capture my prominent and trivial life moments here. Or cool shit I come across online.
I have a slightly new attitude toward this blog. It's still probably considered mommy-centric but what the hell - that's what I do. The Mommy thing. All blessed day long. In fact the mommy thing is making me a bit more ANXIOUS these days than anything which is why I am seeing my PCP tomorrow to discuss said anxiety. We'll talk about THAT another time. Like after the appointment at least.
Tomorrow the hubs and I are taking the Little Monkey to an appointment to get his head examined. Literally. At his 6 month appointment last Thursday the doctor expressed minimal - but notable - concern about the growth rate for Little Monkey's head size. My dad and some of his family have large heads. My head seems kind of big to me. But I guess they want to check thing out to make sure that the size for LM's head is normal for him and there isn't anything brewing in there. I probably sound really casual about this but it's denial.
See - faking it... completely. I am denying this til I am told something is definitely wrong. The doctor emphasized that it was almost always nothing but he wanted to be sure.
Please God.
So let's hang in there together and see where this new adventure takes us. and thanks for traveling with me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
