Random Shizz

So because I was pregnant for 9 mos and then didn't get old Aunt Flo back til December... I don't know but I'm wondering if getting my tubes tied made it a stronger experience? not to be gross -guys sorry - but DAMN! I have to stay on top of things or it's just not good. Then I wondered if it was just because I'm older and had 2 babies so things are heavier? Plus I tend to still FORGET to take care of business down there so that doesn't help. I just forget - after the initial 2 days of cramps and extreme bloat fun - that I have it.

I'm missing my other half big time. I cannot wait til he gets back from his trip. We've chatted with the kids on the video thingie on the macbook pro and that's good. I just miss my rock and back up. Lonely, I guess. Though I was so tired last night that I swear I don't remember my head hitting the pillow and I didn't wake til about 6 or so when Shea did. The first night I had a hard time sleeping. And I have a hard time getting myself off to bed alone.

My mum's surgery is scheduled for 4/28. All the sibs have been communicating more - which doesn't say much but still. The brothers are being more annoying since they are so removed that now when shit is going down they swoop in and question everything. I know my sister has a hardtime with it. She snapped at me this week and then apologized the next day. Which is fine because Saturday I unleashed a bunch of venting about my oldest brother on her and she was fine.

Saturday morning she and my niece Erin are picking me up to go for Erin's prom dress fitting. I had wanted to go for the dress shopping but they ended up going during the week last minute and didn't work out for me. But I'm excited to be part of something girly with them. I told my sister after I found out my second child was a boy that she needed to include me in these rites of passage girly type things because it's all I've got. Well at least until we shop for Rhena's wedding dress.... and the best part is not paying the bill. HA!

So I bought an entire new bedroom linens set. I'm pleased with it. Also curtains and some wall art. Hoping Dan can get those up soon. I don't do the walls stuff because he's anal about holes (ha ha anal about HOLES haha) in the wall and I just don't even want to deal with it.

Damn Shea is having another short nap day. Seems like he either has two solid nice naps or two crappy short ones. Doesn't help the mama get much done. Like blogging does either? HA.

Wants

I think I want one of these. The hubs has made it quite clear that we aren't getting any iPhones in the near future as his office doesn't support them AND they are on AT&T which kinda blows. But I have long been mulling the idea of a phone with more than just "phone" capabilities. And I like to text/email which, as we all know, is a pain in the ass on a regular phone. This evolution of the blackberry now has a camera in it which is also a feature I really like. The sidekicks and other of those variety seem a bit to "young and hip" to me. A bit too Paris Hilton.

Now will the hubs be into me getting one since the phone I have now is less than a year old? Hrm. Not so sure.

Overkill

I count my blessings every day for the good relationship and love of my mother-in-law (The Nonni!). She is an amazingly generous and loving person. She accepted me whole-heartedly into her life and family and loves my children with an intensity I would second only to the love Dan and I have for them.

However.

The Nonni goes completely and utterly overboard with gifts and money. It is not uncommon for her to hear that I'll be doing seasonal clothes shopping for the boys and to hand me an envelope of anywhere from 300-500 bucks in it. See? AMAZINGLY GENEROUS. And CRAZY! On my birthday, mothers day and Christmas I get cards with money. Never less than $100. CRAZY.

She also gets hooked on collecting things. Liam got into Thomas and Friends when he was about 18 mos old. Nonni proceeded to collect over 100 trains from the Take Along series. She gave him tons and kept loads at her house...which have SOMEHOW filtered over here over the past year and a half. Hot Wheels? She has about 3 double decker cases of them at her house. Not including the oversized die cast metal ones she has as well. Eighteen wheelers and obscene monster trucks. CRAZINESS!

Then she was shopping for a toy for Liam right before Seamus was born. He picked out a toy from the Imaginext Jungle Adventures series. Only I don't think Nonni realized it was a series at first. My sister saw that he had it and, when she visited the hopsital after Shea was born, she innocently brought Liam some additional animals that went with the set. My mother-in-law realized it was an expanded set and proceeded to buy almost every other piece to it. The Nonni almost bought the biggest piece but Liam thinks it's a bit too scary.

ANYWAY.

You see my point? Well recently Liam has taken to puzzles. The 25-or-so piece variety. He got one from my sister a month or so ago and did it over and over and over again. So much so that his sitter brought him 2 more that she happened to have left from her brothers child years. Then I got a Buzz Lightyear puzzle for his Easter basket. Sooooo...Easter day comes and as always we go to Nonni's for brunch and fun. The Easter Bunny OF COURSE goes to Nonni's too. And Liam gets.... wait for it.... THREE MORE boxed puzzles and a book that has like 7 puzzles embedded in the pages.

Liam LOVES puzzles but honestly do we need 7 boxed puzzles and a book of puzzles? Doesn't that seem like a lot? And I love it when people come over and comment on how many freaking toys my kids have when we hardly BUY ANY?! Everyone else does! I do buy the odd matchbox car or coloring book, crayons, that sort of thing. But sheer volume of toys.... are from everyone else! I am happy that my children are blessed with these things. But it's almost embarrassing. We have this gorgeous storage center in the playroom... and it's stuffed to the freaking GILLS. I try to weed out toys but then feel guilty. I need to just lose the guilt and donate or pitch some stuff. I do a "crappy toy" sweep every other week or so - weeding out the happy meal prizes, broken toys, and very small pieces from sets that Liam wouldn't miss and Shea could choke on.

Anyway - I started this post to vent about Nonni and her penchant for buying too much and not knowing when to stop. Perhaps I should take some of that advice with this post.

on my mind

I have a lot on my mind and I think a stream of consciousness post is the way I'm going to get it out. If you can't follow along, my apologies. I just need to get some stuff out.

My mom - My mother had an appt with a surgeon today to discuss possible surgery on her shoulder. She has severe rheum. arthritis in her shoulder and cannot sleep for more than 2 hours without waking from pain. Her range of motion for the shoulder is horrible. Watching her put on a coat or shirt is saddening. I was unable to attend the appt with my parents and sister today because Shea had his appt which I had OTHER concerns for and that needed to take precidence, unfortunately. Anyway, it comes down in the appt that her rheum. doc also is referring her for knee REPLACEMENT surgery. Apparently both shoulder and knee are bone against bone at this point. The surgeon would prefer to do the knee first because it will be better for recovery from the shoulder surg. if she has two good legs to support her.

I'm really overwhelmed by all this and feel ill-equipped to care for toddlers and aging parents. I feel guilty for leaving it to my older siblings as well. And resentful of my brother in California who really doesn't have to deal with it at all.

Things will fall into place. I have already started researchingand bookmarking elder services pages. I can't imagine how my dad will cope with taking care of her 24/7 without losing his mind.

Shea's appt was ok. Doc said we should wait til after his one year appt to see if his gross motor skills have improved (head size is the cause of delay) and if not we will have him evaluated then. But his height and weight (22lbs 29") put him in the 75% and his head circ (49cm - same as Liam's was at 15 mos) puts him at 98% which is at least on the chart now. He didn't need any shots - just got a finger prick for iron and lead level testing. He didn't nap well, so by bedtime he was a nightmare. We did discuss c.i.o. during the appt and the doctor said Ferber is the way to go...as long as his basic needs are met and he's not ill we should do it. He said that we had to outlast Shea... especially since he's escalates so much when crying... gets worse and worse. We can't even go in after 5 or 10 mins cause he flips out even more. Tonight he cried after I put in (this is rare -= typically he is a middle of the night crier) and I was alone with both boys. I didn't want to leave Liam alone downstairs longer than necessary so I was sort of forced to let him cry. I did goin and try to rock him again, but he wasn't stopping so I put him back in the crib and probably about 30 mins later he stopped. I'm not sure exactly how long because I was putting Liam to bed and with the humidifier on high (purposefully) in Liam's room, you can't hear a thing in there.

I need to go to bed. Hubs is off tomorrow and I am getting my hair cut and colored. Cannot TELL YOU how bad I need it. GREY ROOTS! Ugly!

I'm Sex Deprived

Kind of a fun meme. Lifted it from Johnny Mac.

Instructions: Open up your iTunes and fill out this survey, no matter how embarrassing the responses might be

How many songs total: 1,110
How many hours or days of music: 2.8 Days
Most recently played: Let's Get Together - The Youngbloods
Most played: Real Gone - Sheryl Crowe (Cars Movie), Born to Be My Baby - Bon Jovi, Footloose - Kenny Loggins (these ar favs of Liam's mostly)
Most recently added: Band of Gold (Almighty Radio Edit) - Kimberly Locke
Sort by song title:
First Song: A.B.C. Gospel - Choo Choo Soul
Last Song: #41 - Dave Matthews Band
Sort by time:
Shortest Song: .05 New Hymn - James Taylor
Longest Song: 11:42 - Donna Summer & Barbra Streisand - No More Tears (Enough is Enough)
Sort by album:
First album: Alan Jackson: Greatest Hits, Vol. 2
Last album: 100% Pure Dance
First song that comes up on Shuffle: S.O.S. - ABBA
Search the following and state how many songs come up:
Death - 1
Life - 18
Love - 66
Hate - 1
You - 132
Sex - 2

Sleep

I'm about to get me some of that there sleep stuff everyone raves so much about. Last night was BAD with Shea. We changed up some stuff with his bed...hoping that maybe part of it. He's about erady to gnaw his arm off from the top teeth. Wish those fuckers would just come IN already. Sing a little Doors action..."break on through, break on through, break on through to the other side..."

Today was actually a very pleasant trip to my inlaws despite that Liam cried 3-4x about um...NOTHING. Oh he couldn't have a second yogurt, he couldn't play with something of Grampy's because Grampy wasn't there to tell us it was ok, his cousin wanted HER DOLL BACK, and oh and because he's 3 and his current lot in life is to make his parents very tired.

Hey Liam! Your brother HAS THAT COVERED, ok? so just knock it OFF.

Anyway, my brother-in-law and his daughter were there but it was still fine. Kendal played with Liam a little and only tried to smack Shea once. She was very sweet to him the rest of the time.

My mother-in-law didn't let Shea push her around. After we were there a few minutes she took him and listened to him cry for about 20-25 mins and I ran away to the kitchen. He's so much worse when I'm right there. He just keeps looking at me like "TAKE ME BACK NOW or I will cry and stick this lower lip out so far it will slap you in the forehead."

She finally found some toys he was interested in (her house is like friggin Toys R Us right now) and after he calmed down, I went back in. Shea was pretty much fine the rest of the visit. He didn't want to nap on their bed (Kendal was in the crib) so she put him in Kendal's stroller and Dan wheeled him around the house 2-3x and he was out. We parked him in the kitchen and he slept about 45 mins or so - enough to take the edge off.

So that gives me hope that someday we will be able to visit family without me feeling completely stressed out. And I feel a teensy bit better about being gone overnight Friday while my mother-in-law stays here with the boys. I feel incredible guilty that she may be up half the night with Shea but as Dan put it, "She gets to go home and sleep through the night. She'll be fine. Shea will be fine." So I will have to deal with the guilt while I have a cocktail, eat a big meal, drink wine and sleep through the entire goddamn night!

WHOOOOHOOOO!

Another new thing

I forgot to mention in my other post that I bought and tried Aveeno Positively Radiant Daily Moisturizer w/ SPF 15. LOVE IT. LOVE. LOVE. I heard about it from Cathy's post about wrinkles, zits and peach fuzz. I bought it on impulse at Wal-Mart and have been enjoying it ever since.

Something New

I was thinking of making a category for New Stuff that I or we try. And whether it's a hit or miss.

Trail Mix. I have documented in my header that I am in love with a certain trail mix that my dealer, I mean FRIEND, Carrie got me into. Seriously, it was like she was lonely in her own addiction so she got me hooked too. Well it costs a couple of dollars per 5.5oz bag AND like a zillion calories per bag AND I can eat a whole bag easy. Which doesn't help my muffin-top any. So I bought some stuff and made my own mix. I mixed together a store-made raisin & nut mix with craisins and yogurt covered raisins. I omitted the granola because while SO YUMMY it is where most of the fat is. So this'll do in between splurges on the real thing.

Yogurt Raisins. Because he's always trying to dip into whatever I'm eating, Liam has discovered he likes Trail Mix too. He seems to like the yogurt-covered raisins the best. So there you go - a new snack for Liam.

Turkey Meatballs. We are trying to eat a bit better. So I was at the grocery store and decided I was going to make some turkey meatballs to go with some pasta for dinner. Right next to the ground turkey meat was Perrdue's Turkey Meatballs. Feeling a little TIRED from Shea's more recent sleep habits or LACKTHEREOF, I decided to opt for the easy way out and bought the meatballs. They were really pretty good for a store-bought meatball! I mean they are small and maybe a bit more spongey than a homemade meatball... but the flavor was quite good. So good to have the next time I'm feeling lazy. Liam loved them.

Apple TV. Dan just got this and we haven't hooked it up yet but apparently we can put our DVDs on it so we won't have to shuffle through Cars Movie, Thomas & Friends, Mickey's Christmas and whatever else to get a movie on. You can also rent movies through iTunes on your tv and watch YouTube. I'm not really sure what else it can do but I'll keep you posted.

Not Yet a Big Boy

Something about this picture just makes me want to cry. His legs are getting skinny and long... under the pants the babyfat indents are almost completely gone. Thank God in front of him he is holding and loving on a stuffed puppy. He's still a little guy to me. Even as today he asked me, "Mama? What does it mean to be a big boy?"

Tummy Trouble

I really want to stop going to our playgroup. It's not so much that I don't like the moms. Or the kids. It's that right now it consists of two other mothers who, between them, have SIX children and another on the way. Two sets of twins. It's a lot overwhelming.

I just want OUT. But I hate to cancel on them as a number of other women have already. I also feel badly because I feel like I need to get Shea around some babies or something... because maybe that would help his developmental motivation. Cause right now Shea is opting out of rolling, laying on his stomach and any type of crawl - army or hands and knees.

I am worried as he still seems to fall over a bunch when sitting. It's the head size making it hard for him to find balance. Especially when he starts getting tired. Oh and when he bakes a stinkloaf in his diaper, he hates sitting on it so he throws himself back. So there are still pillows around him when he sits.

I am assuming if he isn't doing better with the tummy time by his 9 month appt we may end up with EI or something coming to investigate. I don't pick him up as soon as he starts complaining on his tummy. I even let him cry a bit. Then when it gets to the crying-face-down-no-recovery I pick him up. Usually by then he's so pissed off he has to be walked and calmed down. So if the EI frickers come in here and say I need to let him be frustrated I may lose my shit on them.

Tummy time usually starts out ok. I'm encouraging, I try to engage him with fun things like new toys, forbidden objects like the remote, silly things like bubbles or Liam's faces. Shea can push up and straighten his elbows. Soon he tires because of his head weight and he goes down. He pushes up like this a few more times and then stops trying. He does move his body left or right about 45 degrees. If I put my hands behind his feet, he will push on them a few times. But after about 10 minutes or 15-20 on a good session - he is done. He whines a little. Sometimes he just puts his head down and to the side and plays with the blanket or chews on a toys he's successfully grabbed. But it's not long before he's hating life and I have to get him up.

I know every child progresses at their own rate. And I know that his body is trying to support his head and gain strength but I just feel like I'm failing him somehow. I do not carry him around all day long. I sit him down and walk in and out of the room as I need to. I want him to know that I have legs that move me around. We all crawl around the floor at his level so he can see. I have tried to teach him how to move his arms to roll easier.

No use.

I'm glad he's healthy and seems to be happy for the most part. I just have this feeling in my stomach that a mother gets when her child seems to have something a bit wrong and she can't just make it right.

Broiled Tilapia Parmesan

Last night I made this tilapia recipe. It has a very strong parmesan tangy flavor...next time I'd probably spread less of the cheese mixture on the fish. I also only got 1lb of tilapia which was plenty for the 3 of us. Both Dan and Liam liked it.

Broiled Tilapia Parmesan

INGREDIENTS
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup butter, softened (I used 1/8 cup)
3 tablespoons mayonnaise (I used 2tbsp of light mayo)
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon dried basil
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/8 teaspoon onion powder
1/8 teaspoon celery salt
2 pounds tilapia fillets (I made 1lb of tilapia)

DIRECTIONS
Preheat your oven's broiler. Grease a broiling pan or line pan with aluminum foil.
In a small bowl, mix together the Parmesan cheese, butter, mayonnaise and lemon juice. Season with dried basil, pepper, onion powder and celery salt. Mix well and set aside.

Arrange fillets in a single layer on the prepared pan. Broil a few inches from the heat for 2 to 3 minutes. Flip the fillets over and broil for a couple more minutes.

Remove the fillets from the oven and cover them with the Parmesan cheese mixture on the top side. Broil for 2 more minutes or until the topping is browned and fish flakes easily with a fork. Be careful not to over cook the fish.

Testing

I've been trying to embed this video in Wordpress on the boys blog but cannot seem to make it work. Let's try here...



Shea Meets Biter Biscuit from Sue O'Neill on Vimeo.

New Boys Blog

This is probably getting REALLY OLD to everyone but I am switching out the old Raising Liam blog with a new Raising the Boys blog. I'm going to "tell the world" according to THAT blog tomorrow but thought I'd let anyone who reads here take a peek early. MY husband will occaisionally post on that blog as well. But he's been working late every freaking night this week and only just LOOKED at it last night. Oh and he bought the domain name raisingtheboys.com as well so hoping to point the blog to that domain tonight. No posts from him yet.

That is all peeps! Be sassy!

Sparkle

I have been floating around in this weird feeling over the course of the past two weeks. It has sort of surprised me and I've been trying to put a finger on it but over the weekend I realized what was going on.

I'm happy.

There is that song that goes "I can see clearly now the rain is gone" Well yeah. I FEEL that. And I think I didn't realize how cloudy and mucked up my head was until it was raked out. I don't want to go on and on about the miracle of drugs but SHIT. I was more of a headcase than I even realized.

It was as if instead of wearing rose-colored glasses... I was wearing shit-brown ones. And everything was heavy and weighed me down.

I guess it was weighing me down a lot more than I could self-diagnose. And I think my meds in conjunction with my resolution to focus on me and my growth/well-being/health have put me back into the land of the living. Not just breathing...but exhaling instead of holding my breath.

And I recognized this feeling... this happiness... when I came to the realization that if it all ended tomorrow (not to be morbid) then I have already lived my happily ever after. I love my husband beyond words and feel truly loved by him. I have two beautiful GOOD boys who are symbols of that love and make my days truly meaningful... evening if the meaning is frustration or exhaustion. I have come to peace with my family, especially my relationship with my brother. While there are always friendships I'd like to strengthen and self-improvement to accomplish... I am happy with my life. I am not wishing I were somewhere else, with someone else, doing something else, BEING someone else.

I am doing exactly what I have always wanted to do. And I'm starting to REALIZE it. I guess this is what they call "living in the now."

I don't think I'm the best I can be but that's ok too. It gives me somewhere to go.

So it's grey and cloudy, more snow is on the way, the boys both have runny noses. But let the sun shine in. Let it shine.

Rugquest 2008

So for a while now I have been trying to find a replacement for the shedding beast of a rug we have in the living room. So I saw this rug online at Tar-zhay. It looked cute. And beige.

Needless to say it arrived and is very GREY. Doesn't really go with my chocolate brown couches. I still think it's a cute rug and we may keep it if only because Tarrget will not accept rug returns at the store.... for some stupid reason and we would have to ship it BACK to them in Ohio. It has helped me decide I do want a lighter colored rug in that room. It's easier to see toys on the floor (and not step on them!) than it was with our red-based oriental wool rug. That sheds. Like a bitch.

The dogs might end up getting this in the mud room. It won't show their tan dog hair so much.

The Rugquest GOES ON.

Nose

But of COURSE Liam was up several times last night needing his nose blown and crying for only THAT reason. And of course he was coughing and refused to take Delsym. And you KNOW that when I got Shea this morning, his nose sounded a bit rattley and he keeps sneezing.

If things are on schedule one of them should be pulling their ear tonight when my hubs is at his after-work function and I am dead on my feet.

Poor little things. Liam is so pathetic and EXTRA EXTRA whiney. He must feel like crap. I can always get him to laugh though, when I help him blow his nose and say "JUICY!" when he fills the tissue. HA!

Shea is still in decent spirits - well maybe a little quick to temper today. *sigh* . I had hoped to get them out of the house to the mall today. Liam's most favorite place on earth. And return 2 things as well as get them some "out" time and Liam working those little legs at the mall. But I'm not going to bringing him and blow his nose the whole time. Looks like another day with movies and tv.

I am feeling something going on in my own head and it's not the voices, Sybil, it's the beginnings of whatever they have so I need to get started on the Zicam and Airborne. My brother should be suitable boged out tomorrow with the runny nosed kids (he has none by choice) but he'll get a real-life snapshot of my work life now, won't he?

Also Shea does this thing and I'm guessing it's a normal thing...I've heard of head banging being normal so this HAS to be normal... he flaps his arms a lot when he's sitting down. And then when he's laying down...especially during little night wakings...he slams both feet against the mattress. So when he has a slight waking I can hear thwap.....thwap.....thwap. Liam still makes this weird nasally sound when he's rubbing his blanket at bedtime. I hope he quits it by the time we decide to have them room together - another year or so - because he does it pretty loud.

Ok that's all I got - runny noses and weird child-soothing habits. Whatchoogat?

Crap

Baby was trying to pull up from my lap to the activity table and fell sideways and WHACKED the side of his face on the bottom of the exersaucer. Totally bruising. Fantastic for pictures with my brother. Not that Shea will let him anywhere near him ANYWAY.

*sigh*

Visit

My brother is visiting from California this weekend. He arrives Thursday on the red eye and he will be at my house a bit after 9am. This would all seem quite lovely and normal if it hadn't been 3 years since we last saw him (the week after my Big Monkey was born) and we hadn't gone almost that long not speaking.

The not speaking stuff is water under the bridge now thank God. And I guess I can believe that part of the reason he is visiting is because we have made amends and he is eager to connect with my kids. It's just hard because I am trying to forgive him for not visiting our mother (who lives about 40 mins from me) during that same 3 years. I try to reconcile it but have a very difficult time. My mom has changed so much and her memory is getting worse and worse. She just isn't the same as she used to be and he seems to have blinders on to that fact. I think my mother has aged significantly in the past 3 years. She's now 77 and she has pretty bad rheumatoid (sp?) arthritis. It really wears her down. But her mind isn't the same anymore and that is the part me and my sister and trying to come to terms with. She's so so SO forgetful. My dad has a hard time dealing with it in addition to his own aging and gets grumpy with her instead.

Anyway this post is supposed to be about my brother and not my mom. I'm nervous. I want to get the house in shape but GODDAMNIT I can NOT seem to rid myself of the dog hair. 2 pugs = MORE DOG HAIR THAN A PACK OF WOLVES, Seriously. And I didn't realize this at my old house because it was mostly carpeted on the main floor... but the dog hair blows across the hardwoods like friggin TUMBLEWEEDS and comes to rest on the area rug in the living room. I could vacuum the thing every day and still have a load of dog hair on it come nighttime.

ATTRACTIVE!

And suddenly Liam is starting to have little pee accidents. He has recently started peeing standing up and I think he doesn't point at the potty right away and it goes down in his undies first instead - not every time but at least once a day. He has had an accident of some sort every day for the past week. Frustrating since he hasn't had any sorts of accidents in MONTHS.

Anyway I'm sort of jigged up and jacked up on my brother coming and nervous and excited for my kids and all that. My brother and I were extremely close growing up... things didn't change til he moved and we had several disagreements and misunderstandings.

I gotta get moving. I'm hosting him for lunch Thursday as well as Friday with the rest of my family. I think for Thursday I'll do grilled chicken salads and Friday will be a big tray of baked ziti with garden salad and garlic bread. So this means a trip to the grocery store with both children. Not my idea of fun. GIVE ME STRENGTH!

Bulk

There is something about buying in bulk.. like some things like toilet paper and baby formula... YES! I hate buying those every week at the grocery store. But as I was contemplating buying a huge jug of extra virgin olive oil I was like... What the hell am I doing? Where am I going to keep all this olive oil?!

You know what I'm saying?

OVERACHIEVING

Ugh I was feeling really good about getting Liam to sit down and decorate his Cars movie themed valentines for school. They were cute and each one came with a Cars movie pencil. Then he made some with foam stickers and hearts for his teachers. So we weren't down to the wire getting them done with me saying "ok next! ok next!" he took his time with his stampers and stickers and had fun with it.

Then as I left the school from dropping him off I see a girl walking in with her mom holding a box very carefully. I could clearly see glitter and pipe cleaners and gorgeous - EXQUISITE EVEN -homemade valentines.

And all I could think was "SHIT SHIT SHIT! Why didn't I think of that?"

Roast Pork Tenderloin Supper

I found this on KraftFoods website.


Roast Pork Tenderloin
Prep Time:15 min
Total Time:45 min
6 servings
2 pork tenderloins (1-1/2 lb.)
1/4 cup GREY POUPON Dijon Mustard
2 tsp. dried thyme leaves
1 pkg. (6 oz.) STOVE TOP Stuffing Mix for Chicken
1/2 cup fat-free reduced-sodium chicken broth
4 oz. (1/2 of 8-oz. pkg.) PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese, 1/3 Less Fat than Cream Cheese, cubed
1 lb. fresh green beans (about 3 cups), steamed

PREHEAT oven to 400ºF. Heat large nonstick skillet on medium heat. Add meat; cook 5 min. or until browned on all sides, turning occasionally. Remove meat from skillet, reserving meat drippings in skillet. Place meat in 13x9-inch baking dish. Combine mustard and thyme; spread evenly onto meat.

BAKE 20 to 25 min. or until cooked through (160ºF). Transfer to carving board; tent with foil. Let stand 5 min. Meanwhile, prepare stuffing as directed on package, reducing the spread to 1 Tbsp.

ADD broth to same skillet. Bring to boil on high heat. Reduce heat to medium-low. Add Neufchatel cheese; cook 2 min. or until Neufchatel cheese is completely melted and mixture is well blended, stirring constantly.

CUT meat into thin slices. Serve topped with the Neufchatel cheese sauce along with the stuffing and beans.

A little of this

The Lime chicken came out pretty good. It was a bit tangy with the lime juice and the sauce was thin til it sat for a bit. Dan really liked it and had the leftover piece sliced in a salad last night.

It has been raining here all damn day. It snowed all night so Dan had to run the snowblower this morning. That means he didn't leave for work til 8:30 so he'll be late coming home tonight I'm sure. Plus with this weather will make his 30 minute ride even longer.

Totally glued on American Idol again. I don't really like the use of instruments... seems distracting to the people using them. There are already people annoying me. So..... it's GREAT.

The writers strike is apparently over so THANK GOD we'll get some new Office and Greys episodes soon. We've either been watching movies or web surfing at night. We are two dorks with two laptops sitting in the same room.

I have too much stuff for Liam for Valentine's Day. Again. I always overdo it. I think I still have some stuff in a bag from Christmas that I never gave him. Not big things. I will post a pic tomorrow of him with his little haul. Last night we put together his valentine's for his class. Cars Movie valentine's with a pencil. They don't let us send treats in or I would have gotten the ones that came with the gummy candy. I got Shea a couple of little toys more for Liam's benefit... so he could see that Seamus also gets something.

So today we had a playdate with Liam's friend Mikayla. They've been friends since they were about 5 and 6 months old. She can be a real pain in the ass but Liam loves her and I really like her mom. Who brings me mochas. Well not for that. Well maybe a little for that. And she's really good to my boys. The kids had fun with the valentine's foam stickers and hearts and stampers I got for some crafts time. I also made - for the first time ever - jello jigglers for a special snack. Mikayla is allergic to dairy, nuts, and eggs so it's always hard.. I can't just make cookies or a cake from my recipe box. The heart shaped jello was a hit though.

Working from my resolutions things are going ok... I working on some personal health things - being proactive. I'm losing weight - albeit slowly and mostly because of Lent! Honestly I hoped that the length of the Lenten season would help me get through the "Detox" time and create some new habits. That's not saying I'm not going to eat a pound of chocolate on Easter Sunday. AMEN!

Crappernuts I need to wake Liam or he'll never sleep tonight!

Chicken with Lime

I'm going to try this recipe tonight (from Cooking Light). Husband approved. He better eat it.

Ingredients
4 (6-ounce) skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2 teaspoons olive oil
Cooking spray
3/4 cup fat-free, less-sodium chicken broth
1 tablespoon brown sugar
3 tablespoons lime juice, divided
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
2 tablespoons water
1 teaspoon cornstarch
1 tablespoon butter

Preparation
Place each chicken breast half between 2 sheets of heavy-duty plastic wrap; pound to 1/4-inch thickness using a meat mallet or small heavy skillet. Sprinkle chicken with salt and pepper.

Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet coated with cooking spray over medium-high heat. Add chicken; cook 4 minutes on each side or until browned. Remove from pan; keep warm.

Add chicken broth, sugar, 2 tablespoons juice, and mustard to pan; cook over medium heat, scraping pan to loosen browned bits.

Combine water and cornstarch in a small bowl. Add cornstarch mixture to pan; stir well with a whisk. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat; cook 1 minute or until sauce thickens slightly.

Whisk in remaining 1 tablespoon lime juice and butter, stirring until butter melts. Return chicken to pan; simmer 2 minutes or until chicken is thoroughly heated.

Yields 4 servings (serving size: 1 chicken breast half and 2 tablespoons sauce)

Nutritional Information
CALORIES 260(26% from fat); FAT 7.5g (sat 2.7g,mono 3.1g,poly 0.8g); PROTEIN 40.7g; CHOLESTEROL 106mg; CALCIUM 32mg; SODIUM 382mg; FIBER 0.1g; IRON 1.8mg; CARBOHYDRATE 5.4g

Robyn Webb, Cooking Light, APRIL 2006

S.O.B.

Fellas... if the good wife -EVEN during a difficult day with a non-napping baby and trapped inside because of snow with the preschooler whose preschool is canceled- makes you dinner. It's a good idea not to come home and look at it and say "I'm trying to eat healthier."

Yeah maybe it was on the rich/thick saucy side. But if you hadn't bought all the extra chicken she wouldn't have needed to improvise and without a trip to the grocery store there weren't many options.

Just eat a little... because chances are your 3-year old already turned his nose up at it, your wife is exhausted and just wants to be appreciated for her effort. Not confronted with you and your friggin bowl of Special K for dinner. Because maybe just maybe she'll think "WHY THE FRIG DO I EVEN BOTHER" and feel like crap about it. Because maybe she isn't a big fan of cooking to begin with and it's hard for her to try new things.

Maybe you should be a little more considerate for the effort next time.

Thanks.

Random Boring Crapola

Shea was up 3-5am, so of course now he isn't into a morning nap. He's tired but doesn't want to be in his crib asleep. I know if I take them on a Starbucks drive thru run he will sleep for 10 mins in the car and call it even. NO WAY.

Ugh I wish he would just sleep through the night. Please. God. It used to be just the pacifier but now he doesn't even take it half the time. We tried letting him cry but he is still unable to calm himself to get to sleep. Every 2-3 nights he won't settle back to sleep til he's had a bottle.

So yesterday my doctor recommended 3-4 physical therapy sessions for my hand and feet and a podiatrist. I haven't made the appointments yet but I will. I am just unsure how they will fit in to my schedule and child care and all that fun stuff. The spot where I got the tetanus shot hurts like a bastard... actually my whole arm/shoulder area hurts. We are slightly upping my z-loft dose as well. Overall I'm in good health. The blood draw will tell more but my blood pressure, as always, was good.

Liam just had some M&Ms and offered me one. So sweet! But no sweet snacks. Bleh. Hope I can stick to my Lenten promise. The soda is more the one kicking me in the ass. I see the soda and want it. Bad.

I took some of the money my MIL gave me for Christmas and ordered myself a custom Starbucks gift card - I know it's retarded to order one for myself... but I like having the card because then I don't need to worry about having cash and there is something not right about putting $4.15 on a credit card. So I ordered a Starbucks custom card that has my preferred drink and my first name. I'll take a pic when it comes I should have taken a screen shot of the finished product...oh well. Woohoo!

Ok Shea is not happy in the Jumperoo and I suppose I should do something about that.

7 Things

So Lauren at gigglepotamus tagged me for this meme to reveal 7 things about myself. I assume this would be 7 things someone might not know or unusual things. It would also have to be something I have not already revealed about myself on my other blog Raising Liam. Ok... here goes...

Here are the rules:
- Link to the person that tagged you and Post the rules on your blog.
- Share 7 things about yourself on your blog, then tag 7 people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
- Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I know all the words to about 50 Wiggles songs and it doesn't bother me.

2. I started this blog so I could write about things without my parents calling to ask me if everything was ok. Which is nice, but sometimes made me crazy.

3. Sometimes I read so many well written blogs that it psychs me out from posting in my own.

4. I LOVE AWARD SHOWS. The cancelling of the Golden Globes was like losing a holiday.

5. If the boys and I have nothing to do on a given day, I will think of something just so I can get out and hit the Starbucks drive thru. Actually, sometimes that something IS the Starbucks drive thru.

6. With the exception of 3 nights in December when I was away, I have not slept straight through the night since October. Or should I state it that Shea has not slept through the night since October. This makes me tired and sometimes CRANKY. See #5.

7. I prefer to spell it "theatre" than "theater." but I think it makes me sound snobby and I'm so NOT.

That's it! I won't tag anyone but if you decide to do it - let me know! :-)

GO AHEAD and VOTE

I'm not sure which way you are leaning. Frankly I have vacillated myself frequently over the past few days... but regardless, I hope that there is a candidate... big or small... that has inspired you and moved you to exercise your privilege to vote.

And my friend Jody emailed me earlier today and summed it up VERY nicely (as she is oft to do),

"I don't know if it's enough, but somedays you'd like to think that inspiration can really lead the charge..."

Making promises

I have been pondering my obligation for Lent and what I want to abstain from during the Lenten season. Being a the headcase that I am, it's hard to eliminate some things because I don't want to throw a stick in the spokes of my life balance or lack thereof... but at the same time I want to acknowledge the sacrifices made for me...

So I've decided to give up soda and snacks. Not necessarily snacks like between meals - but snacks that are bad and don't do anything positive for my body. Like Oreos and chips and chocolate bars. I gave serious contemplation to giving up my Starbucks mochas but that is sometimes one of the few things that get me through a day and I am just not ready to take a hit there. Even for the good Lord.

I am trying to come back to my faith in God. I have always believed but I have not always felt it positively... esp the wretched year I was trying to conceive. I have a hard time with my control issues ANYWAY never mind letting God handle anything in my life. But now my children are growing and Liam is at the Age of Questions ("WHY? WHO? WHERE?"). We made the decision to raise them both Catholic til they are at an age where they are educated and can make the conscious decision on their own.

So anyways anyways anyways I want to be a good role model. Dan doesn't believe whole-heartedly in God - his scientific mind has broken it down and most likely he has enough things hurt him in the past and made it a hard thing to believe in so it falls on me at this time. So I'll be fasting on Wednesday and Good Friday and no meat then or Fridays during Lent.

I need some decent meat free meals... can only take so much pasta, eggs and cheese pizza. Not all together of course. HA!

Updated to add: Dan has decided to give up soda for Lent too. I am betting it's more for his diet than for Lent but he's trying!

Feeling fresh

A couple weeks ago I needed to order some stuff from Amaazon*. So in order to qualify for free shipping I needed to spend $8 more dollars. I thought - hey I'll order some tampons! Why? Because after not having my period for about 14 months (I got my first post-partum visit Christmas Eve! Praise the Lord!) I totally FORGET to buy tampons. I have used up my leftovers from before I got pregnant with my last two cycles. So I was in need to get some before my next one started or the phrase "on the rag" would be more true than cliche.

So I saw that they had a special for 3 36-count boxes of Tampaax* for $11. That sounded like a good deal because they were the mixed boxes that I prefer - featuring lite, regular and super for my low, medium, and high needs. All in one box! Yippie! Also I noted that they were cardboard applicator which I prefer because while I destroy the planet with disposable diapers, I tip my hat to the green with no plastic applicators.

They finally arrived last week - because of course in true Amaazon fashion all my items came a day apart in separate tree-killing cardboard boxes because they want me to receive each item separately to get me all excited to see my mail delivery person each day.

Note to Amaazon... I do not have a tall, dark and handsome mailman. He is oldish, grey and has a goatee... looking eerily similar to Colonel Sanders. Therefore I prefer him to stay out by my mailbox, not up close and personal at my door.

Anyways, the tampons arrived and the box is BRIGHT PINK and says Tampaax Fresh! I think Fresh? What the hell? Then I look closer at the box and realize that it also says... in 3 different languages... Scented!

Scented?

Who the holy HELL needs a scented tampon? Cause I gotta tell you that if things are not right down there, you should really be seeing a doctor and not dousing your "issues" with a "clean fresh scent."

Additionally.... how would this scent even make a difference? If you bury a lemon in the sand...can you smell it? NO! Same principle. There is no way that the enclosed area that the tampon is ... filling, for lack of a better word, is going to get enough air to eminate any type of scent.

I have seen scented tampons in the store and always bypassed them for this reason AND for the fact that it skeeves me out to think about putting blatant chemicals up my hoohaah*. I mean I know that some tampons are most likely "treated" with something. So why up the ante and also get a perfumed wad of cotton up the vajaayjay*? I mean can they say that they have tested these things? How would they get a tampon up a rat's grlbits*?

So now I have 108 perfumed cotton flo sticks to burn up my coooch* over the course of the next several cycles. And I saved $5... I couldn't be happier.

*Mispelled on purpose to prevent weird googlers.

Next time

Next time I go and talk about either of my children's sleep in a positive way, please just slap me. The past two nights have been back to hell. Friday night Shea woke every half hour I SWEAR between 3-7am. Last night it was every hour or so between 2:30-6:30am. BOTH NIGHTS Liam came and asked to get in bed with us around 2 am. Friday night was at my side of the bed, last night he went to his dad.

Dan was sitting still on the couch late this afternoon giving Shea a bottle. He looked at me and said "I'm so tired all of a sudden."

I said, "If you stop moving, it hits you worse. You have to keep moving." Because seriously? If I sit in one spot and I'm not concentrating on something... the kids, a tv show or the computer... I'm out like a light.

I quote a Garth Brooks song when I say "I'm much too young to feel this damn old..."

Aw crap

I'm an idiot. I was just about to start writing this post... some sort of deep and meaningful soul searching bullshit and I realized the time. YEAH. What the hell am I thinking? It's PAST 11 pm and my second born is SURE to start whimpering/crying for his pacifier soon. Which makes for a long friggin night and this time - the block from about 10pm - 2am is usually when I get my solid sleep in. I've read that getting 4 hours of consecutive sleep can keep someone from truly losing their mind. I believe I can attest to this on the day after a particularly bad night.

Shea has been better.. I'm trying to get him to do the 2 - 3 (or 2) - 4 schedule. Translation: wakes up in the morning then 2 hours later a nap - wakes from nap then 2-3 hours later another nap - and then after that nap - bedtime 4 hours later. That has helped because he's so damn tired by 6:30-7pm that he passes out cold, pacifier be damned... at least til about 4:30-5am. Which is AMAZING when you go from waking every 1-2 hours. The poor things teeth aren't helping though. I gave him some motrin or Tylenol before bed the past few nights. There is one that has cut through and I can feel the second one still under the gum. Both are the bottom front teeth. He hasn't been the most fun lately but he's still a good boy. When I go in to get him from his naps he is SO HAPPY to see me and I always pick him up and just hold him and hug him for a few beats before changing him. After me being a head case his first 5 months of life I am trying SO HARD to make sure he really feels safe and loved.

Now that I say that it probably sounds like he wasn't safe. He was. But I can say I had to put him down and walk away more than once to clear my head and pull my shit together. And I can say that I was impatient with him or Liam or NOTHING a lot and I know he picked up on that. Not the lovefest he deserves. But I am trying to make up for it. I still give him plenty of time to work on things himself...sitting, gross motor skills, etc, but any time I hold him I try to just POUR into him how much I love and adore him. That he is so loved and so badly wanted.

Liam loves Shea already so much. When he isn't with him, Liam misses Shea and he is always asking where Seamus is. The first thing he does when he comes downstairs after a nap (that is...if he woke up happy) is give Shea a hug and kiss. And when I pick him up from preschool he gets in the van and leans over, "Is Shea awake, Mama?"

Well I guess I am rambling and waxing poetic anyway... it's almost 11:30 I am so going to regret this in the morning. Dan is playing Madden on the PS3... he finally got it for himself. It looks crazy on the tv - like a real football game. In fact, in the game he is playing now - it is snowing. And he's always the Patriots. ALWAYS.

Ok I'm gonna get to going. Need to pop the happy pill and get to bed. Maybe Shea will whine once he hears me moving around up there and I can get the first re-pacification out of the way. Dan gets up with Shea a lot - I think because the happy pills make me drowsy so I don't always stir when Shea wakes. Seems like Dan is getting up more now that I'm on the pills.

Like I SAID.... GET TO GOING!

Whole Lotta Nothin

I just realized a week has past since my last post here - not that I'm really keeping track - just noticing that it is indicative of weeks that are busier than others. Between the snow dumping on Monday which kept Dan at home (and me needing to keep the kids out of his hair or quiet during a phone call), Tuesday was a school day, Wednesday we had Mikayla and Marianne over and now it's Thursday which is another school day.

School days fly by for me. I was really productive this week during Liam's 3 hours of school. I did some secret cleaning in the guest room closet. It was scary in there - blankets and drapes just thrown basically to get out of the way. This house kills me in some ways as it has loads of closet space yet the builder did not make any specific linen closets with multiple shelves? So Dan made one in the upstairs hallway but it's not big enough for everything. Actually I'm just still trying to figure out organizing multiple bathrooms and closets and all that crap.

My goal for this week is to make the house passable for anyone wanting to wander around on Sunday after Shea's baptism. Typically people don't go upstairs and if they do I close the door to my bedroom (where things go to die... or be put in storage boxes etc.).

Things around here are looking better... the new tv and console in the living room, the beginnings of the playroom storage already in place (just waiting for Pottery Barn to get off it's ass and get the rest in store for us), the new stools finally for the breakfast bar in the kitchen, putting the changing table in the first floor bathroom and removing the pack n' play changing table/bassinet from the living room, splitting Liam's furniture so he has the tall bureau and Shea has the changing table dresser, and getting the last of the stuff out of the garage and so both our cars fit in there. I am in search for a new area rug for the living room - the one we got "on sale" sheds like a BITCH! Worse than two dogs if you can believe it. And when we have playdates the kids get the stuff on their pants and of course it looks like dog hair and I KNOW that the moms think it's from the dogs. But no! It's the friggin rug!

I'm much more reticent here to put things up such as curtains or even blinds just to do it. My mom is like "When are you getting curtains up in the living room?" "When are you getting blinds for the guest room." Well Ma we aren't getting $5 blinds at Home Depot... our blinds are at least $100/window (except the boys rooms which we are using cheaper shades because Dan remembers yanking his off the window a few times aas a child and we aren't going there with $100 window treatments). I am not in any rush to hang shit up I guess. I guess maybe the living room looks a bit more stark without them... but I just want to get good quality stuff. And we aren't printing money over here so it's going to take a while. We've only had two overnight guests since we moved in and both got up before the sun anyway.

But I'm feeling good about where were are at with the house stuff. This summer will bring a shed, irrigation system and swingset/play structure. I really want some type of chaise for my bedroom and a leather club chair for the living room. Our couches will have to wait til the kids are bigger. We are also going to get a small pub table and stools for the eating area of the kitchen. But we are waiting til the right one comes up... haven't found the right one that will also fit in the smallish space.

Ok Hip Hop Harry (LAMEST SHOW EVER) is on and Shea will likely be awake soon so I need to get Liam's school clothes picked out and the house picked up a bit. Oh yeah and laundry flipped and dinner planned and...

Muffins

So there is one last thing on my resolution list. To lose some weight and firm some things up. Mainly to make my ass a wee bit smaller and to marginalize the muffin-top pants effect I have going on. I'm am not huge and I think I'm lucky in one regard - I carry weight in a way that people think I'm smaller than I am. I know that sounds crazy - because you are thinking... well if she is smaller to everyone else then she must have that there body dysmorphia thingamagig.

No it's true. I can tell people always think I'm a size smaller or more than I actually am. I have never since high school been smaller than a size 8. I think because I have a short torso it might even be physically impossible without being slightly underweight. Because even when I was in the target weight range for my height (5' 2") before I had Liam, I still was in a size 8. Also, it is probably becuase I have so much junk in the trunk.

Anyway - Right now I'm a size 12. And I'm not that worked up about it but it doesn't thrill me either. Mostly because all my clothes from before I had babies are size 8-10. And I miss them. Dearly. And I hate buying clothes in bigger sizes - thus the Kohl's Sonoma jeans in size 12. $14.99 - a lot different than my nice GAP jeans and Ann Taylor tailored pants. Damn if I got back to that size it would be like a whole new wardrobe.

After Liam, I could squeeze into 10s but not for all my pants. And once I started trying to conceive Seamus, it ballooned me up to 12 easily between the stress eating ("I'm not pregnant so I deserve to eat this!") and the fertility drugs.

So I started losing weight in September-October and then Shea started the whole milk sensitivity thing so I had to avoid dairy and that made me eat things like bacon sandwiches. Because everything is better with bacon. Then Shea got the bronchitis and I was stress eating again... then the holidays and I was just eating EVERYTHING. Then more Shea drama and really I blame the muffins on him.

No I don't. I know it's my stress thing. So I am resolved to start the new year by curbing the snacking. Then I'll tackle things like portion control and calorie intake. I have done Weight Watchers twice... once with meetings and once online. I know the concept and can roughly figure out points based on calories fat and fiber content. My plan is to try losing weight on my own and if I get stuck or can't do it I'll re-join Weight Watchers. They actually have a meeting facility around the corner.

And maybe Shea will get moving sooner than later to get me off my ass more. That and my pilates DVDs that are mocking me from a box in my closet.

Resolutions

Of course this time of year brings about the resolutions conversation. I can't even remember what resolutions I may have thought up last year - I THINK it was to stop throwing up from "morning" sickness and if that is the case - HOORAY! Check that sucker off the list.

The year 2007 was a doozy for so many people I know. And I am so glad it's over. There were WONDERFUL things that happened - obviously... I had a healthy, albeit nauseating, pregnancy. We sold one home and bought and moved into another though not quite in that order. I gave birth to a healthy son. Liam took SO MUCH in stride AND two months after Shea was born, Liam was potty trained and starting preschool.

I did come to the conclusion hat I don't manage newborn babies and their needs very well. Yes I can meet them and yes I can take excellent care of a newborn. However... I didn't enjoy much of it. With Liam I blamed it on the c-section incision not healing properly. With Shea he had reflux, then the milk allergy and various illness. In reality - I just don't like the non-stop NEED of a newborn.

I may be selfish. I'm pretty sure I am... a bit immature too. But newborns are hard. Some people LOVE newborns. But frankly - other than the sweetness of the small size - the gorgeous little bitty toes and hands and tush - they scream. At least mine do - and with my post partum anxiety - it put me right on edge. to be frank that is most likely why we got Shea so addicted to the pacifier. I could not TAKE the screaming. Like made me want to cover my ears, slide down the side of a wall and rock like Sybil.

So my first resolution is to acknowledge that about me. Accept that it's not a nice aspect of who I am but it is what it is and move on. I'm done with newborns. I have my boys and I am happy with my family. It's ok to not like a part of raising children. It doesn't make me a bad person.

Now that Shea is 6 months old... he is learning to sit on his own...he can spend time in his jumperoo or exersaucer and play. Liam is more interested in interacting with him as well... even playing sometimes. He is getting to be on a regular nap schedule. It's not the non-stop Mama show. I'm enjoying both boys more. I am getting enough time where someone isn't touching me (it's amazing how much you like solitiude when you are getting touched and grabbed all day long) that I don't cringe from Dan and I gather Liam on my lap for books and cuddles.

My second resolution was to tell someone besides my husband and my closest friends about my anxiety and reach out for help. Doing something to take care of myself is really hard for me. But as I sat in my PCP's office and cried as I told her how overwhelmed I felt and that everything felt ten times bigger than it actually was... I felt relief. I walked out with my Zoloft prescription and a list of therapists. The meds are just starting to work - taking the edge off already. I don't want to be on them forever... I'm hoping counseling and Shea getting older will help.

My next step is to actually call and make an appointment with a counselor. I have to do it before my next PCP appointment in 4 weeks. So a deadline will keep me from putting it off.

My last resolution is to circle back and start "dancing with the one that brought me." Dan and I get in these modes where we just power through to get shit done. Keep the kids happy. Ease some burden from each other so we get enough sleep, nutrition, sanity. But we are just starting to get back to enjoying each other. I think he has a similar resolution as seen on his new blog (tech nerd blog that it is) - turning off his Blackberry more. But lately we have watched some movies together... made more future plans together (even if it's house planning its fun). So my last resolution is to put more positive energy into our marriage. The marriage is what is going to keep the rest of the crap from creeping up on us and swallowing us whole.

So those are my resolutions. I hope I can keep them.

Is it just me?

Or does Elizabeth Hasselbeck make everyone want to punch their television?

Anyone else tired of bad news?

I have to tell you that I am getting really tired of hearing about bad things happening to people, especially GOOD people. I've been spending a lot of time thinking about my friend Jeff and the loss of his dad just before Christmas. And what a hard year his dad had, which in turn made for a hard year for the whole family. Jody also had a difficult loss in her family and I could feel her sadness for her loss and also for the loss to her mother. Then today I go to a blog I read regularly...Poop & Boogies...and, through his comment section, I investigate and find that William's dad has unexpectedly, it seems. passed away. This after they buried his wife's dad a few weeks ago. And his dad is his chief inspiration for his blog.

I suppose the older I get the more this will happen, but it doesn't make it any more palatable. In fact, it makes life feel less sure, less stable, more fleeting, and vastly more precious.

Rest in peace, loved ones.

Just a Fat Head

That's all! yippie! Just a huge melon! A turnip head! A bowling ball with legs!

It was actually - aside from Shea crying because a strange person was looking at him and putting a transmitter wand against his head - an ok experience. The woman who performed the ultrasound was the same technician who gave me the last ultrasound before Seamus was born. So it was like she had already met him. She put me at ease right away saying "All this because his head's a little big? C'mahhhn leave the poor kid alone!"

After it was done she took it for her supervisor to look at to make sure they agreed with what she came up with and she came in and said "His head is perfect."

Thank you God - I swear he is going to be baptised soon - 2 weeks in fact - please knock the faith-shaking off. And thank you for making sundaes. Friendly's makes everything ok.

New Year, New Blog

So after some hemming and mostly hawwing...as in hawwwrrrdy haw haw - oh yes I know it's HAR HAR just work with me... I decided to just jump ship and landed here.

I liked the look for the newer blogger features and hopefully I can stay at peace with them and not get all uppity deciding I need more customization because honestly...? Do any of my 5 readers really give a crap if I have a fancy fance blog? No. Anyway here I am NAKED for ALL to see.

Well no - this isn't THAT sort of blog either. And truth be told you all can't handle ALL of this. Besides, I'm sure you like your eyesight just as it is.

I'm still tweaking here and there. But I'm thinking minimalist. Words. Posts. Pictures. And lots of ranting and sarcasm. Susie it up - Fake it til you make it. I'm making all of this up as I go. I don't know the answers - but I will act like I do to win friends and influence people. Also to stay a step ahead of my children. Soon enough the boys are going to catch on and start the eye-rolling-Mom's-crazy-glazed-look thing and I'll go back to talking to my dogs. Until then I hope to capture my prominent and trivial life moments here. Or cool shit I come across online.

I have a slightly new attitude toward this blog. It's still probably considered mommy-centric but what the hell - that's what I do. The Mommy thing. All blessed day long. In fact the mommy thing is making me a bit more ANXIOUS these days than anything which is why I am seeing my PCP tomorrow to discuss said anxiety. We'll talk about THAT another time. Like after the appointment at least.

Tomorrow the hubs and I are taking the Little Monkey to an appointment to get his head examined. Literally. At his 6 month appointment last Thursday the doctor expressed minimal - but notable - concern about the growth rate for Little Monkey's head size. My dad and some of his family have large heads. My head seems kind of big to me. But I guess they want to check thing out to make sure that the size for LM's head is normal for him and there isn't anything brewing in there. I probably sound really casual about this but it's denial.

See - faking it... completely. I am denying this til I am told something is definitely wrong. The doctor emphasized that it was almost always nothing but he wanted to be sure.

Please God.

So let's hang in there together and see where this new adventure takes us. and thanks for traveling with me.