Feeling fresh

A couple weeks ago I needed to order some stuff from Amaazon*. So in order to qualify for free shipping I needed to spend $8 more dollars. I thought - hey I'll order some tampons! Why? Because after not having my period for about 14 months (I got my first post-partum visit Christmas Eve! Praise the Lord!) I totally FORGET to buy tampons. I have used up my leftovers from before I got pregnant with my last two cycles. So I was in need to get some before my next one started or the phrase "on the rag" would be more true than cliche.

So I saw that they had a special for 3 36-count boxes of Tampaax* for $11. That sounded like a good deal because they were the mixed boxes that I prefer - featuring lite, regular and super for my low, medium, and high needs. All in one box! Yippie! Also I noted that they were cardboard applicator which I prefer because while I destroy the planet with disposable diapers, I tip my hat to the green with no plastic applicators.

They finally arrived last week - because of course in true Amaazon fashion all my items came a day apart in separate tree-killing cardboard boxes because they want me to receive each item separately to get me all excited to see my mail delivery person each day.

Note to Amaazon... I do not have a tall, dark and handsome mailman. He is oldish, grey and has a goatee... looking eerily similar to Colonel Sanders. Therefore I prefer him to stay out by my mailbox, not up close and personal at my door.

Anyways, the tampons arrived and the box is BRIGHT PINK and says Tampaax Fresh! I think Fresh? What the hell? Then I look closer at the box and realize that it also says... in 3 different languages... Scented!

Scented?

Who the holy HELL needs a scented tampon? Cause I gotta tell you that if things are not right down there, you should really be seeing a doctor and not dousing your "issues" with a "clean fresh scent."

Additionally.... how would this scent even make a difference? If you bury a lemon in the sand...can you smell it? NO! Same principle. There is no way that the enclosed area that the tampon is ... filling, for lack of a better word, is going to get enough air to eminate any type of scent.

I have seen scented tampons in the store and always bypassed them for this reason AND for the fact that it skeeves me out to think about putting blatant chemicals up my hoohaah*. I mean I know that some tampons are most likely "treated" with something. So why up the ante and also get a perfumed wad of cotton up the vajaayjay*? I mean can they say that they have tested these things? How would they get a tampon up a rat's grlbits*?

So now I have 108 perfumed cotton flo sticks to burn up my coooch* over the course of the next several cycles. And I saved $5... I couldn't be happier.

*Mispelled on purpose to prevent weird googlers.