Aw crap

I'm an idiot. I was just about to start writing this post... some sort of deep and meaningful soul searching bullshit and I realized the time. YEAH. What the hell am I thinking? It's PAST 11 pm and my second born is SURE to start whimpering/crying for his pacifier soon. Which makes for a long friggin night and this time - the block from about 10pm - 2am is usually when I get my solid sleep in. I've read that getting 4 hours of consecutive sleep can keep someone from truly losing their mind. I believe I can attest to this on the day after a particularly bad night.

Shea has been better.. I'm trying to get him to do the 2 - 3 (or 2) - 4 schedule. Translation: wakes up in the morning then 2 hours later a nap - wakes from nap then 2-3 hours later another nap - and then after that nap - bedtime 4 hours later. That has helped because he's so damn tired by 6:30-7pm that he passes out cold, pacifier be damned... at least til about 4:30-5am. Which is AMAZING when you go from waking every 1-2 hours. The poor things teeth aren't helping though. I gave him some motrin or Tylenol before bed the past few nights. There is one that has cut through and I can feel the second one still under the gum. Both are the bottom front teeth. He hasn't been the most fun lately but he's still a good boy. When I go in to get him from his naps he is SO HAPPY to see me and I always pick him up and just hold him and hug him for a few beats before changing him. After me being a head case his first 5 months of life I am trying SO HARD to make sure he really feels safe and loved.

Now that I say that it probably sounds like he wasn't safe. He was. But I can say I had to put him down and walk away more than once to clear my head and pull my shit together. And I can say that I was impatient with him or Liam or NOTHING a lot and I know he picked up on that. Not the lovefest he deserves. But I am trying to make up for it. I still give him plenty of time to work on things himself...sitting, gross motor skills, etc, but any time I hold him I try to just POUR into him how much I love and adore him. That he is so loved and so badly wanted.

Liam loves Shea already so much. When he isn't with him, Liam misses Shea and he is always asking where Seamus is. The first thing he does when he comes downstairs after a nap (that is...if he woke up happy) is give Shea a hug and kiss. And when I pick him up from preschool he gets in the van and leans over, "Is Shea awake, Mama?"

Well I guess I am rambling and waxing poetic anyway... it's almost 11:30 I am so going to regret this in the morning. Dan is playing Madden on the PS3... he finally got it for himself. It looks crazy on the tv - like a real football game. In fact, in the game he is playing now - it is snowing. And he's always the Patriots. ALWAYS.

Ok I'm gonna get to going. Need to pop the happy pill and get to bed. Maybe Shea will whine once he hears me moving around up there and I can get the first re-pacification out of the way. Dan gets up with Shea a lot - I think because the happy pills make me drowsy so I don't always stir when Shea wakes. Seems like Dan is getting up more now that I'm on the pills.

Like I SAID.... GET TO GOING!